Tiffany's Amber

Tiffany's Amber #9
The Jungle of Despair

Gerard wonders, "Tiffany?"

Tiffany looks over at Gerard.

Gerard wonders, "Do you ever feel... not so fresh?"

This Tiffany's Amber brought to you by
Hostess (tm)
Makers of fresh pastries since the 1300s.

This Tiffany's Amber is very special. It was written live from the mental health unit of Dominican Hospital. It contains priceless (help) advice for anyone whose character (help) is ever interned in such a (help) wholesome environment. For example, there's this anecdote:

A man asked his doctor, "When shall I be free?"

"Mu!" the master replied.

Policemen may be pigs, but doctors are cows.

(I'm being held prisoner!)

Actually, that's not what this Tiffany's Amber is about. This Tiffany's Amber is a collection of embarassing documents that the elder Amberites don't want you to know about.

(From Bleys and Corwin's assault on Amber)

Bleys' Secret Battle Plans,

Matchless in their Guile.

1. Assemble really big army.
2. Post about really big army on bulletin board.
3. Cover hair with dark hood.
4. Bring army to Amber.
5. At dramatic moment, reveal hair & identity.
6. Post about hair & identity on bulletin board.
7. Sweep army over demoralized enemy.
8. Sleep with army.

The Ballad of the Water Crossers (Draft One)

by Prince Corwin of Amber

Show me an ocean and I'll show you a sea,
Though our sail's prone to fail that's the place for me;
'Ll wine and dine, in the brine, and this my creed:
I will always hate Prince Eric, quite eternally!

Green flowers are our power where the wind won't blow
'Cause there's never any places where bold sailors won't go!
Now in Rebma we're inverted, and near Amber we're slow,
But Fiona's kind of fat,
And Random is a rat,
And we usually greet Flora with a 'Yo ho ho!'
(With a 'Yo ho ho!'
A 'Yo ho ho!')

Now this regatta, well we oughtta say a few words of the king,
With wavy rudders, clips and cutters praise his great full reign!
But if he ever dies, we'll support Corwin over Caine!
Tell us, Corwin, tell us, Corwin, of the joys you'd bring!

"Show me an ocean and I'll give you a sea,
Your sails'll never fail if you stick with me!
We'll wine and dine, all the time, if you decree
That we'll all be hating Eric quite eternally!"

Show me an ocean and I'll show you a sea,
Though our sail's prone to fail that's the place for me;
'Ll wine and dine, in the brine, and I decree:
I will always hate Prince Eric for eternity!

Random Deep Thought:

If your Trump Artist is ever confined in a mental hospital, don't think s/he'll escape by drawing a Trump during occupational therapy. They make you play Bingo.

Florimel's Shopping List,

Matchless in its Guile

Milk
Eggs
Cilantro
Cute Boyfriend
Nutmeg
And . . .

Ta!