Michiru is maybe worse again. She has been eating and drinking and grooming herself, and her temperature is down, but yesterday morning she started having bathroom troubles. There's some small chance that it's a side-effect of the antibiotics, but the more likely (in my mind, which I hope is simply despairing and not correct) problem is that whatever did the original damage so that she was falling over is now causing her to be unaware when she has to use the litterbox. She was a terrible mess yesterday, and poor Jim had to clean her up because I was in class. When I got home she was lying on a towel in his lap, all fluffy fur alternating with little wet spikes, very clean and white and soft. We made her a little playpen in our bedroom with a tarp and boxes, and put a litterbox in there for her as well as her food and water, but she desperately wanted to cuddle with her humans and kept escaping through some mysterious means. I ended up lying on the floor with her (wrapped in a towel) on my chest for several hours (because I have 'sucker' written on my forehead, yes, I know), until she was finally asleep enough I thought she'd stay in the playpen. And she did for a while, but when Jim got up this morning she was out of it again, sleeping on the floor. Fortunately for our carpeting she was still clean.

We did another round of cuddling this morning, and then I put her into the playpen while I showered. When I got out of the shower she was yet again out of her playpen, so I cuddled her a little more, than gave her antiobiotics, after which she was happy to go sulk in her cat carrier about the cruelty of it all.

So. That's Michiru. I am not doing too well myself; I'm depressed so I'm not eating, and I'm staying up with her so I'm not getting enough sleep, and all the things I am supposed to do in the next few weeks, like gaming and jewish holidays and my massage -- it all just seems bleak and hopeless. I know it's not, really, but it feels like it is, and I just want to crawl under my desk and cry. I know that I need to be taking better care of myself, but it's just so much work, and I don't feel like I have time. I don't want to go out to dinner when I could be at home with my cat, not when I might not have this cat to be at home with for much longer. I'm planning to go to dinner and gaming tonight, anyway, but I am afraid I'll feel awful and burst into tears at Mike & Susan's or something. Gah. These extreme emotional states really suck. At least I've watched enough shoujo anime that I don't mind crying in front of people as much as I used to. As long as it's in moderation.

I have, miraculously, written the feature Simeon asked me to do in about three hours, instead of the projected three days. Granted, being depressed and flaky has made this take about an actual day of real time, but I'm still very pleased with how quickly I got it all done. Perhaps Simeon will be pleasantly surprised as well. I do wish my life would settle down, though, so I could ask for more work and find other projects and read documentation and not be a basket case. Between the depression last week and the kittenstuff this week I haven't been very functional at work lately.

Ooh. Simeon just replied to the email I sent him, saying my new feature looks great. I am now checking it in, proudly. More mixed emotions. I think once I am done checking in I am going to go home, even though it's really early, and cry until I feel better. That sort of thing usually helps me to get my head back together.

Some small part of my brain is amazed that I am telling you all this.