I've been trying to turn the fragments of this week into entries, but it's just not happening. I'm too scattered; I flit between work and email and some research I'm doing on the web and this, not really accomplishing much anywhere, frustrated with myself and not knowing how to stop. I'm bad at focus; the price of multi-tasking insanely well (usually I can do this many things _and_ make progress on all of them) is that the failure mode is spectacularly annoying. I do everything and succeed in nothing. I fume. I type my thoughts, and the words come about ten times more slowly than the thoughts do, and that just makes the frustration increase.

Welcome to my brain.

I _can_ focus tight on a thing, letting it swallow me for hours on end, leaving me with no idea where I am or where I've been once I'm done. Writing here does that sometimes, and music, and RP, and yes work. That's why I switched to programming, in fact, is that it consumes me so completely sometimes that I come out the other side drained but very happy -- and, as a bonus, I get working code that people pay me for. Sysadmming, by contrast, gave me just enough time to focus on something that there was a sense of physical dislocation when the next task showed up to whack me on the head and then laugh.

Productive programming was yesterday. No network (a notwork, as Trip says), so I concentrated fiercely on code for almost the entire day, and made everything connect up and work, and only quit when I ran into something very simple that my brain nonetheless refused to figure out. When I got in this morning I asked Rachel about it, and she pointed out just how simple it was. I felt foolish, but relieved. A common occurence.

But right now there's too many things, and I can't type fast enough, and I can't rest anywhere, and the longer this goes on the more I want to punch my hand through a window. Does this sound like a bad day? It's not, really. A frustrating day, but not a bad one. I got a lot done earlier. I solved two problems with Rachel's help, and a few problems all on my own. I had the rest of the yummy soymilk thing I bought last night at Jamba Juice. I talked to Heather and Marith both, and Jen. So ... not a bad day. But oh, I hate it when my focus slips like that.

Past tense. Concentrating on the journal seems to have grounded me. I'll need to remember this for future.

Tonight I'm going to Portland, to spend the weekend there with Jim and Paul. We'll see Rent, and I'll spend approximately a trillion dollars at Powell's. Must remember to pack an extra bag so that books can come home with me. I haven't actually packed at all yet -- I'm going home in about twenty minutes to do so.

Focus. Beautiful. I'll put this up, and notify, and then code in my remaining time. Monday I'll see about getting the rest of the week in order so I can post it. For now, though, I leave you with Jane Siberry: