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The time grows ever nearer when I will be vanishing to Oklahoma for a
week. My feelings on this seem to have settled down to low-level
anxiety, for reasons too fierce to mention. Meanwhile, Jim is going to
Chicago for a week, but offset a few days from my own. We'll be apart
about ten days, all told, and I'm going to miss him desperately. For
the last two weeks or so I've been fighting a sense of terror that
keeps telling me that I'm running out of time -- that I need to spend
as much time with Jim as possible before we're away. I think it might
be left over from last year, when I was moving to Los Angeles and
did have a very limited amount of time left with Jim. How do
I convince my internal watchers that it really is okay? That ten days
really will go by quickly, as opposed to the theoretical year and a
half I was going to spend in LA? I wish I knew. At least now that
I've identified it (with Norm's help) I can attempt to moderate my
panic.
Yesterday I woke up, was sick, hung out for a while, went to see Norm,
came home, was more sick. Being sick expressed itself as an odd sense
of being feverish despite no fever. The world around me kept happening
too quickly and I was cold and my head hurt. It was good to be at
home. Plus I got to play randomly with the new computer, which is just
as fun as I hoped it would be. I even started the lengthy process of
updating my Quicken records. Much virtue have I.
Now I'm back at work, but with the fragmentation of the rest of the
month (gone for next week, then back for two and a half days, then gone
for the four-day New Year's weekend) I'm not overly inspired on work.
There are meetings, and project plans, and it looks like I'll be
helping Moria (our QA person) by doing testing for the next development
cycle. It should be interestingly different, and hopefully not
crazy-making.
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Having reread the Hellflower books I've been sucked into reading other
stuff by eluki bes shahar, namely the 'Twelve Treasures' books she
wrote under the name Rosemary Edghill. I finished the first one
(The Sword of Maiden's Tears) and must now borrow the next
two from Trip. To kill time while I wait I'm rereading
Komarr (Lois McMaster Bujold), which is just as good the second
time around as it was the first -- maybe better, even, since I'm not
identifying with the heroine quite as much.
Rachel loaned me Blood Roses by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro, one
of her many books about the vampire St. Germain. Rachel loves these,
and I usually share her tastes, so I was expecting something amazing --
and oh, my, was I ever disappointed! The book didn't have much of a
plot, and the plot it did have (the vampire wandering around during the
Black Death and angsting) was annoying, but that paled in comparison to
the intensely awful style it was written in -- a sort of self-conscious
third person in which whoever is currently narrating spends a lot of
time thinking to themselves. Things like: 'And then he thought about
his past, and it was very sad, but he did not mention it to anyone
there, knowing they would not understand the very sad past he had.' Or
'He smiled and didn't say anything about the windows, which he had
treated with a secret alchemical formula learned during his centuries
in Egypt.' I find that sort of cheap exposition incredibly
annoying -- most people simply don't spend time thinking about how
they're not telling other people things! Grr, grr, grr. I finished
the book anyway, but I don't expect to read another. I'm glad they do
something for Rachel, though. To each their own, and all that.
I've lit Hannukah candles every night! And I say the prayers, in my
very bad Hebrew, and feel pleased with myself.
The weekend is plan-light, due to the impending Oklahoma trip. Jim and
I are going to try to go rollerblading so we can admire Christmas
lights. It's not quite a tradition, but we did it last year and
enjoyed it a lot. This year has the added bonus that when I look at
him all bundled up for winter weather and want to kiss him I can
do it. The wonders of being a couple.
I doubt I'll write again before Oklahoma, and even if I do I'll never
get these entires into shape before I leave. Nonetheless, I wish you
all a happy holiday (or lack thereof) of your choice.
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