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My current plan is to try to write for at least ten minutes every day,
even if it's terribly rough and choppy. That will give me something to
work off of when I hit a day when I am suddenly in full journal-mode.
Now if only those days would come more often.
The BAMM graduation continues to loom large in my mind. It seemed so
transformational, although as the days pass that's faded some. I'm
going to another graduation, though, this one with Marith and Tara -- I
wonder if I'll cry again? I hope not; that was probably good for me
but not really pleasant, and Jim won't be there this time to hold me.
I tend to think I won't feel safe enough to cry, which is ...
reasonable, I guess. Something to be expected. I can't feel safe all
the time.
Tara has been very quietly supportive of me this week, weirdly out of
nowhere -- I'm not sure how to explain it. It's like she suddenly
realised I was a real person? Which sounds harsh and I think unfair.
I've always known that she liked me... maybe it's more that this week
I've felt like she's trying to take care of me, which is really
pleasant. I'm glad she's decided to go take a look at BAMM... I tried
hard to talk her into at least seeing a graduation, but that was in the
first rush of having seen the Oakland one. Now I feel sort of silly
for having been so enthusiastic about it... but she's going to the
graduation. So.
This is a me I haven't been for a while. Blindingly excited about
something, and then it fades and I'm a little embarassed by it all.
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