It's grey and cool outside, with a little wind. I need to go to Millbrae soon. Work is hammering me -- everyone has a question or a problem. I feel involved but dismayed; I'd hoped to get some actual bug-fixing of my own done this morning, but instead I'm running around helping QA. It's a good cause, at least.

And now it's late afternoon, almost 5pm, and the sky is pale, pale blue with the horizon gold tinged with pinks. Sunset is so early now that it seems like I never catch daylight out the window -- by the time I remember to look it's already twilight. The trees look black against the pale sky and bright-reflecting clouds. Pretty. I like the view from my office window.

I fixed several nasty bugs today, and closed some others which I couldn't reproduce. Those may come back to haunt me. Currently I'm wasting time being proud of myself for having gotten so much done. I was so convinced that I was doomed, that I had more bugs open than anyone else and that I had no chance of getting caught up after my flick-fest last week. Instead I find that I'm doing quite, quite well. If I do say so myself.

Between work I'm catching up on Liralen's Adventures Through Life. It's slower than catching up on Ceej was. Liralen's writing is rich and delicious and I want to take it slowly and savour it. Ceej is more intellectual, analytical and fast-paced. It's interesting to contrast them. Now that I'm reading Liralen's stuff my entries feel more chatty to me.

Millbrae was okay. I skimmed over a bunch of stuff very quickly and determined that I still have a lot to work on. Not that it was really a surprise, but it's almost nice to realise that my recovery issues hit every aspect of my ordinary life -- even without dipping into the abuse itself I can keep myself busy for months working out all of its ramifications. Of course, working with the symptoms would go quicker and be more effective if I actually deal with the root issues, but ... it's nice to know that taking a break from the heavy stuff doesn't mean I'm not getting anywhere. Maybe this should be depressing -- I am, after all, basically saying 'Wow I have lots of problems!'. But many of these things aren't problems so much as ... obstacles? Challenges? Yah, challenges. When I'm in a good mood it really does feel that way.

I seem to be writing a lot faster than I can actually structure my thoughts today. It feels good, but I'm not sure if the results make much sense.

Bookwise I continue reading Elizabeth Willey, although I've bogged down somewhat with The Well-Favored Man. The actual bog is that Keely is staying with me, so instead of sitting around reading I sit around playing Dungeonkeeper and talking to her and listening to Jim talk to her. Somehow playing with the computer feels less anti-social than sticking my nose in a book. I'm not sure why I'm being anti-social; I like Keely, and I like talking to her. Focus issues, I guess. It's a rare day that I can actually concentrate on only one thing. Often this is a very useful coping mechanism, but it gets in the way of talking to people.

Ah, Wednesday. When my sessions are good I end up enormously self-analytical in these entries. I was talking about having Keely here, wasn't I? It's nice. She's nice to talk to, very funny, and it's wonderful watching her and Jim get along so well. Fondue tonight should be not only delicious but also relaxed, since it's pretty much people who converse well with each other, and everyone seems to be in a decent mood. If only my stomach will keep behaving! It feels silly to think this much about my digestive system, but it really has been casting quite the pall over my life.

Gretchen gave Marith some melatonin for me, which I'll pick up at dinner tonight. I'm also trying to drink a lot more water, and am taking vitamins again. Today I do feel a lot better, but I know it's mostly in my head -- the only thing that might be having an effect that quickly is the water. Whatever the cause, though, it's nice to feel less tired and more interested in seeing people. I wonder if my energy will drop again during the weekend? It has been, the last month or so. Another thing to track.

There is a bar of amazing looking Swiss chocolate sitting on my desk, which is all Vivek's fault. It's been calling me temptingly all afternoon, but I remain strong; to give in to the chocolate means less room for fondue. Now, though, the temptation is reaching a fever pitch, and instead of giving in I shall go home.