Subject: Re: That Yuletide Thang Date: Friday, December 16, 1994 7:35PM > Michael Wasson writes: > Mass follow-up: > > [Liralen] > >Faith in what? > > *smile*. Yah -- good point. I guess when I wrote that, I meant the > particular faith in: the divinity of Christ; redemption from sin; the > after-life; etc. I have faith in some other things, to which I cling > more or less tenaciously. Ah. Hmmm... I'm kinda in the middle of a religious... uhm... turning point? I don't have faith in any of those things, in the conventional sense of those words. I think. I'm slowly realizing just how much I have to 'twist' the conventions to get around to what I really feel and really think. In my belief system Christ is divine, but no more or less divine than any other human being, i.e. everyone and, actually, for me as well, every*thing* can have a touch of divinity in them. Sin = 'missing the mark' in Greek. When you aim for a particular standard of conduct, if you miss, that is sin. The separation of you from your divinity is when you miss, and when you dwell on the missing to the point that you don't try again. Redemption of sin is forgiving yourself enough to let yourself go on, to make yourself whole (which derives from the same word as 'holy') though some work or belief that allows you that. As for after-life, the only after-life I really believe in is the memory others have of you, of what you did, and the legacy of what you've taught others. If there is heaven or hell, afterwards, that's fine, but I don't have faith in that. Heck. I'm not even all *that* sure that the New Testament isn't 'just' a collection of really good stories, all attributed to a single character, 'cause it made for a more powerful story. But those stories are, on the most part, practical and interesting and useful in a lot of situations, especially when they're deeply understood within the context that they were written in and with some knowledge of the history of that time. My faith, it seems, is in other things. Faith in real love. Faith that there is a Good, which I have equated to God, and which, I'm believing more and more, cannot be captured in words or rules, but can be held by the heart. Faith that the sun will rise again. Faith in people. Faith in something that underlays true beauty. As you say... I cling to those faiths and *need* them to get up in the morning, to find joy in each day... While, sometimes, it's nice and safe to be labelled 'Christian', I'm finding, more and more, that I'm slipping, slowly, but steadily, out from under that shelter or ceiling. Heck... it's nothing new, actually, as all before college, through college and during my masters, I was pretty reflexively anti-Christian... sorry, one of those knee-jerkers. But John's church taught me a *lot* about the beliefs and how well they fit in this society. In a lot of ways, the way that they live their lives and do really cool and useful and *neat* things for the community around them, they brought me into their fold. I really like doing things that help others in ways that is beyond any monetary price. But I still feel like a California Variegated Mutant sheep among a bunch white sheep... Especially since the majority of the church is white, older than I am, and quite a bit more conservative than I. It was funny, how much Mary B,'s comments hit home. Dad gave me some translations of the Tao Te Ching one birthday, and when I started reading them, I just went... "Wow... I'm *HOME*." 'Cause the beliefs, the ideals behind all that was *gut deep* in ways I have never been able to feel with Christianity. I've always had to translate, transform Christianity's teachings, the writings, into something that I could internally grasp and work with. But that one work of Taoism was something that I could just breath in some ways. But then I started studying other works of Taoism and have run into other interesting problems. But the cool thing is that with as little formal framework as there is in this country surrounding Taoism, I can make up my own mind, work through things myself and not *worry* about how someone else will 'take it'. And Taoism doesn't restrict me from exploring my spiritual side through the teachings of Christianity... But then it becomes a whole, strange balancing act of what is 'real' and what isn't... the words only serve, sometimes, to confuse things even more. > >Seems to me that you'd rather folks *saw* which side > >you've placed and picked for right now, instead of assuming > >that the line doesn't matter to you because it doesn't seem to > >matter to them? > > Yes! That's it exactly. I take it to be a pretty serious question, > whatever answers one may come up with. 'Sfunny, I know people who are > fairly knee-jerk anti-Christian and it bugs the heck out of me when > they assume that, being an atheist, I agree with them. This is hard to > explain -- it's that my non-belief arises from some wellspring of > religious feeling, or my respect for the church and my non-belief are > facets of the same basic impulse, or something. Yeah... from what you've said that actually makes a *lot* of sense. > > [...] seeing a three inch cockaroach and a centipede as long > >as both my hands together in there. The Centipede struck and bit the > >head off the roach... and then ate the body while I watched in my towel > >as I was about to try and take a shower.... > > Ewwwwwwww! Anything with more than four pairs of legs gives me the > absolute creeps. giggle... You're definitely in the wrong state for that. Cane spiders as big as your head... zow... ------ Liralen Li | "Looking down on empty streets, all she can see are li@Data-IO.com | the dreams all made solid, are the dreams made real." Phyllis Rostykus | - "Mercy Street" by Peter Gabriel