Hello, gentle reader. It's been a while, hasn't it?

No great tragedy this time, no death of a cat or other beloved household member. But a few days after my one April entry (just now making its appearance), our Evil Overlords appeared from Los Angeles and announced, with protestations of regret, that they were closing all of their non-LA offices, and thus we were all being laid off in a week. With no severance. But they hoped we realised that it was nothing personal, just financial neccesity, and in six months they would doubtless start our project all over again (another $500k or so down the drain to set up a new office, when they can't even afford to keep ours open?) and would be looking us up to try and re-hire us. As you may imagine, it was only with the greatest of self-restraint that I managed to keep a straight face during that last statement. As though I would ever work for these people again?

Hmn. I guess I'm still upset. And sort of bitter. I didn't realise that.

Anyway, what with being laid off and Passover and Jim having the flu for a few days, and cleaning out my office and trying to get used to job-hunting again after I had decided firmly that I was going to stick with this group of people and not look for a job -- no writing. Then somehow it was more towards the end of April and I became aware that I would like to be writing, but that writing in here requires one thing I've been trying very hard to avoid; sitting in front of the computer. Preferably sitting in front of it all day, reading email and mudding and web-surfing, so that as thoughts come into my head I can switch to my journal window, jot them down, and then go back to whatever else I'm doing. Trying to sit down and write an entry all at once seems unnatural, but I'm giving it a go anyway, early this Tuesday morning, because it's been so long and people have been asking, and because I do enjoy it, even if the logisitics sometimes seem impossible.

Where do I start?

In a way, a lot of my attention is focused on job-hunting right now, but in terms of actual time this takes up surprisingly little. Every morning (more or less) I log into some job boards, send out some resumes, and then have nervous fits. So far I've had one very good but ultimately fruitless interview a few weeks back, and another one (hopefully to be both good and fruitful) this coming Thursday. I've talked to recruiters, most of whom are very nice but never call me back -- a far cry from last summer, when my phone was ringing off the hook. If things go poorly this Thursday I plan to post my resume on DICE, despite the frustrations involved therein, since if nothing else getting some recruiter response would make me feel good. My mood has been swinging rapidly; intense anxiety that became elation after my first good interview, slowly turning back into anxiety as recruiters fail to get back to me and the resumes I send out don't elicit any response. Right now I'm in the anxiety phase, as you can perhaps tell, although if Thursday goes well I'll probably be back to elation. It's such a roller-coaster. My logical brain reminds me that I have plenty of money for the moment, that I've only been looking for a few weeks (about three and a bit), and that if it takes me a while to get a new job it doesn't reflect poorly on my skills or my employability. All of which is true, but my emotions counteract this reassurance by saying "augh!" very loudly, and sometimes it's hard to keep perspective.

Since looking for a job is taking a lot of attention and energy but not much time, I've been spending it in a lot of random ways. As noted above, I am steadfastly avoiding sitting around online all day; being online is a fine thing, but it devours hours at a stretch without my even noticing, and I don't want that right now. It would be depressing to have Jim come home from work and ask me how my day was, and not to have an answer because I've spent it all online. Not having a job means no structure within which to accomplish things, so I have to build my own or end up frustrated and unhappy. Thus I spend my days playing computer games (Asheron's Call, largely), reading, gardening, cleaning the house (not enough), doing Japanese homework (also not enough), failing to write despite scads of free time, playing with the cats, heavily geeking over From Light to Darkness, and going to lunch with people. Yesterday I went to the library; today I'm going to lunch with Czr and then to the drugstore to buy cards (for Mother's Day, Jim's parents' birthdays, Jim's existing niece & nephew's birthdays, Jim's new niece's christening) and conditioner. I'll also do some laundry (towels, at least), try to clean up the living room and dining room a bit (an endless struggle), and probably give into temptation and start Azure Dreams, which is the Playstation game I borrowed from Dave to play when I finished Suikoden, which I did last night. After which Jim painted my toenails purple, which isn't really relevant to how I'm spending my free time, but I thought I'd throw it in there. I like having purple toenails.

And that's it for today. Tomorrow I'll try to talk more about what I've been reading, and how nice it's been to spend more time with Ray (he's unemployed, I'm unemployed -- it all works out), and exactly what fun I've been having with Asheron's Call, and all the plants Moria gave me. But that's tomorrow. For now I need to get off of the computer, start laundry, and perhaps poke at my Japanese.