As most of you have probably guessed by now, my kitty died. And no, I don't really want to talk about it. It was over two months ago, so the grief is not as raw and overwhelming as it was, but when I start to think about her death it all comes back to me. Writing here, even planning not to write about Michiru, brings so much back; it's strange how these things connect. And I'm so tired of being sad about her.

However, as these things go, I have a new kitten. On Saturday we will find out the state of his heart murmur, and depending on the outcome you may hear about it here. The last thing I want to do is tie myself up in knots again by associating writing in this journal with losing a beloved cat.

What other things do I have to say? I've been busy, very busy. I've been taking a Japanese class with Angie & Kirby; the final is tonight and I didn't really study. I'm trying to assume it'll be okay, but I don't actually know that. I guess I'll find out shortly. The class itself has been really wonderful; Sakai-sensei is laid back and funny and doesn't seem to mind it when Angie and I get quietly silly. Most of the material we've covered has been stuff I already knew, but last week we started on adjectives, which was all knew and exciting. And is probably part of why I'm nervous, come to that; I'm not so good at this organised studying thing, and new material rather calls for that.

Ah, well. Silly to worry about it now. I'm taking next semester's class, and will simply have to develop real study habits for that one. It's on Tuesday nights rather than Wednesdays, which might make it easier; I tend to be inspired to study the day after class, but Thursday night is gaming so I usually end up flailing instead, distracted by all the ambient noise and small children and arguing and dice rolling. Yes, I'm feeling a bit ambivilant about Thursday night gaming right now; my time seems so limited and the amount of fun I get out of it is so small, why do I keep going? But I do keep going. It always seems like a good idea at the time.

I sound so cynical, don't I? Or snide or perhaps just weary. I'm feeling sort of weary; this time of year is very tiring for me, what with holiday travel coming up and classes ending and gifts to buy and all of that. Also, work is in a state of chaos for reasons I cannot yet talk about, and that definitely adds to my sense of being very tired and wanting things to be over with so I can relax. But it's built into the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas in a way that has nothing to do with what's really going on in my life, too. Very complicated. And it casts a pall over everything, making things seem much more difficult than they really are.

Off to take my final. Wish me luck!