Recovery issues are like a tidepool. A big tidepool. You can ignore it for days, and then one time you're walking around it and suddenly something with tentacles leaps out and grabs your leg and clings fiercely for dear life, covering you with black slime which is probably very healthy and rich in nutrients but nonetheless leaves you feeling icky and like everyone can tell that you are Not Okay.

Except people can't usually tell, unless they know you well and have experienced a wide range of you-ness, and even then they might not be sure. Which means either they have to ask (nice, but rare -- I know three people who do this for me now, which is three more than did so in May), or you have to tell them. Smile when they ask how you are, and say "Pretty bad" instead of the usual socially acceptable "Fine".

I'm having a bad day. I'm Not Okay. Can you tell yet?

Let's see. The weekend. Friday night was dinner at Su Hong, with myself, Jim, my mom, Jeremy, and Rachel. It was very relaxed and a lot of fun. I ate tons of duck and Su Hong beef, and people talked about nothing very important. Afterwards Jim and I took my mom to Bookbuyers, where she bought Rex Stout novels and I bought Return to Zork. And then home, where we read and talked and installed software according to our natures, and it was extremely nice.

Saturday. We went to the Palo Alto art fair. My mom bought a gorgeous green-blue marbled silk scarf and a t-shirt with bright blue butterflies. I bought a similar t-shirt but with dragonflies, two Laura Scott prints (I wonder if she has a homepage anywhere? She does gorgeous watercolours), and some beeswax candles from Shady Lane. Jim didn't buy anything, but seemed to enjoy browsing until near the end, when we were all so hot and miserable that swimming in ice water seemed like a good plan. We finished up quickly (it took us forever to find the woman with the marbling), went to Target to acquire a pan big enough for my mom to make dinner in, and then home. Home! Air Conditioning!

My mom and I made curry chicken, and it came out pretty well. Jim put up a new shower curtain in the guest bathroom while we cooked. We ate, and talked, and then ran downtown for dessert; my mom & Jim had Double Rainbow ice cream, and I had an almond syrup/milk/ice thing from Jumping Java. Yum. The almond smoothie tasted like my new conditioner smells, which is not a bad thing.

After dessert we read, mostly, and talked.

After dinner we took Trip home, and then splooted in our various ways; my mom read, I played Civ, Jim played Heroes of Might & Magic. Having two laptops in the house is nice, but eventually Jim will have to give the old one back to his old company. At that point I may have to break down and buy a laptop, although I'm more likely to buy something less portable but easier to upgrade.

Then today. Today I took my mom to the airport, and then came to work.

But, you say, what about the recovery issues? Well. Hmn. Suffice it to say that my mom doesn't yet seem able to deal with the fact that I have them, and that this caused some minor stress during her visit, since I got emotion-spiked at one point and didn't know how to handle it around her. Plus Norm (yes, my therapist is Norm. Do you think I'd go to Millbrae for anyone else? And do you know how /weird/ it is to write his name in here?) is on vacation still, so everything that's happening gets poured into a safe bubble, to be released when he's back. As if it were that managable.

Other exciting news: tomorrow night I go to Berkeley & meet with some therapists to see if I want to join the group they run. Terror. At least Jim is coming with me.