Deep breathing.

I'm not getting much done today, mostly because I got too much done yesterday and the day before. I haven't had a really restful weekend in a while... maybe in Grass Valley. Maybe not until earlier. I'm not sure. I'm holding out hope for next weekend.

Friday evening we saw Double Indemnity, which is a fine film noire movie; Raymond Chandler adapted a James Cain novel for the script. It was beautifully depressing, and Earl and I made meaningful faces at each other throughout. Jim and Czr (whose living room we co-opted for this) enjoyed it more than they expected to.

Saturday was the RachelFire party. It was fun, in a noisy tiring crowded way. I enjoyed it more at the time than I do in retrospect. A surprising number of water fights broke out, including a determined feud between Chrisber and Angie. Buckets of water ensued. I played six-player Die Siedler (yay for the German expansion set!), which was a little too slow but still amusing. Rachel & Fire liked their presents and their cakes, so I think it was an overall success.

Saturday night Earl and I went to the San Jose Rep's production of The Lady's Not For Burning, about which the less said, the better. It didn't suck as much as it could have, since the actors were almost all quite good, and they managed the language nicely. The director, though, should be shot and hung for attempting to take Fry's lovely play and make it an allegory for the 1960's. Gah. It's a good thing I didn't have a gun.

Maybe someday I'll start a theatre group. I think I'd suck less as a director than large numbers of people who get to do it.

Yesterday was frustrating.

The morning started well enough, although I woke up with a headache. Nobody was around for breakfast, so Earl and I went to Late for the Train by ourselves. The food was good and the conversation amusing. We decided to buy something to cook on the way home, then spend the afternoon doing homework and housework.

Unfortunately, the network at USC was down, which meant Earl couldn't spend hours upon end programming like we originally planned. This left Earl restless, while I fought with piles of homework and became slowly more stressed. Earl fussed with Champions characters for a while, then called Czr, and next thing I knew we were going over there, where Czr decided he wanted to talk to Earl about Sekrit Mage Things and I ended up being relegated to the library to do my homework while they talked in the living room.

To be fair, Czr had to be in the living room due to cleaning up from the party. But _still_.

I was upset for most of the rest of the afternoon. I got next to no homework done. We eventually went home, where we were friendly but busy at people we ran into and then did some housework. All my dishes are now unpacked, amusingly enough. Six months from now I'll be moving them again.

After housework I spent a few more hours doing homework, then made us dinner (which was calming and pleasant, unlike the homework). Post-dinner we talked some, and Earl helped me make a Champions character. I think I now understand the system well enough to make characters without help. We'll see.

Reading over all of this it doesn't sound as frustrating as it was. Believe me, I was frustrated. I couldn't seem to get anything done, except for housework. I knew I was stressed, and I knew Earl wanted to calm me down, and there was absolutely nothing I could think of that would have improved my mood.

I think, though, I have learned a valuable lesson. Next time Earl is restless and I've got homework to do, he can go over to Czr's while I stay home to study. It probably would have simplified things enormously.

So Bryant found my journal, through Ceej's. He told me very sheepishly. I mulled it over for a while, and then decided I wouldn't be too bugged if he kept reading it.

In a way, really, I'm not ... aware of my audience. I'm writing this for me, still, although I do use it occasionally to point out things to my friends. It's sort of sad that I can honestly say this is written for me, because it's rather lacking in some regards. My defense mechanisms are so firmly in place that I can't even write my dark thoughts in my own damn journal.

My current reading is Carve the Sky by Alexander Jablokov. It's very strange, but I think I like it. "We have beautiful art, mysterious gems, and violent death. What more could you ask for?" It also features interesting politics within our solar system and strange future techgeek cultures. I approve highly.

Burning Bright was good but flawed. I am tempted to ask Ceej to read it when she de-Clarion's so I can hear her analysis of it.

Time to bail for class. Think nice thoughts about my homework.