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It was a good weekend, if a sleepy one. I played Nexus. I spent a lot
of time with Earl. I spent money I should not have spent, but I did so
while buying books I needed to own, so that's probably all right. Earl
& I went to the neat aquarium-stuff store on Castro and looked at fish,
and then to sushi, where I ate some fish. Earl ate mostly cucumber.
Now, though, the week has started. In a few hours I'm going to pick
Earl up from work, have lunch with him, and then take him to the
airport. He will be flown back to LA and his German class, and I'll go
back to work and be stir-crazy until I can legitimately go home and
start on my homework that's due tomorrow.
I won't see Earl again for over two weeks, unless his company decides
he ought to be flown back up prior to his driving up for the 4th of
July. I am an utter wimp. Sixteen days without Earl seems like
forever; I've gotten used to seeing him every other weekend. I know
this is lame -- reading Ceej's journal and her description of preparing
to go away for six weeks makes me aware of just how good I have it.
(Then again, says the traitor voice, it'd be easier to go without him
for a while if you usually saw him daily. Wouldn't it?)
This, somehow, brings me around again to wanting things. Remember when
I wrote about wanting things, and how I'm not good at doing it
continually? I'm easily distracted, even about Earl. Historically, I
miss him desperately for between 24-48 hours. Then my defense
mechanisms kick in, and my sense of him being gone fades to match the
people in Oklahoma I only see once a year. Something like, 'Oh, yes,
I'd like to see this person. But I can't, so why worry about it?'.
It's useful, yah, but it skews my sense of my priorities. It also
doesn't last, as any contact with him reminds me of how much I really
do miss him -- at least for a few hours. Then I drop back into passive
awareness of him being gone. This is why I don't get usually get very
excited when I'm about to see him; I can't be that honest with
myself.
On the third hand (I'm sure I already used the first two), I've
discovered a new and different way to miss him in the last few weeks,
which seems to be a (fairly) healthy combination of desperate angst and
passive awareness. This involves realising while I am doing cool
things that they would likely be more cool and fun if I had Earl to
share them with. The end result is that I look forward to talking to
him (since I don't think it'll facture my carefully studied calm) and
am intensely aware that moving to LA is really the Right Thing to
Do.
Sixteen days. Let's see if I can maintain the healthy sort of missing
him for that entire period. It should be a worthwhile challenge.
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