August 4, 1997

Wrists hurt today. Probably shouldn't even really be doing this, but what the heck. I'm tired anyway.

The weekend was gorgeous, sunny, hot, and quiet on the whole. I got sun rash on both legs and the backs of my shoulders and neck. I spent most of it just sitting around and reading more Bujold. The books are filling my head, and comparisons are inevitable as well as frustration and intent study of my life, what I really want to do with it and the like. I do this frequently. Turn it all upsidedown. That's how I went from hardware engineering to software engineering, and how I think I'm about to, likely step from SW engineering to writing the kinds of books and stories I really want to write.

Multiple personalities. Forward momentum. Being the best me I can be... it's all something that's been under the surface quiet, but churning quietly with the confusion at work. A whole lot of it has to do with timing, with need, and with figuring out who I am yet again. Buddhist principle is that the multiple lives spoken of have to do with the many lives we live through in this one life, and improving the lot of later lives by dealing with the karma of the past. I've now dealt, in some ways, with Mark. Time to move on. We'll see how things turn out.

Most of the weekend was spent on Fezzik. On brushing him, washing him, taking him to MaryMoore's off-leash areas Saturday morning. He had a lot of fun. Ran and ran and ran and swam and swam and swam then ran some more... he slept most of the rest of the day. Then we washed him. He's smooth and happy and finally completely free of his winter coat. And then last night we took him to Diary Queen for ice cream.

We do it every so often, and last night we took the topless Stoat. On the way home, and in through the driveway, I looked up and the sky was just thick with stars... studded and sprinkled with light. It was breathtaking. I just stood there and looked up and up and up... and the star bright sky was framed by the big firs and the like that were in our 'yard' and it was really lovely.

One of the interesting thoughts I had that's derived from thoughts in the books is that people with theologies are much harder on everyone around them than those that don't. Atheists don't have a reason or a driving cause to shove other people into action. No higher order to obey that is often a harder thing than one would choose oneself. No Supreme Being to justify ones actions for them. But also no reason to do more than they would logically think they could do... Theists are much harder on themselves and other people than Atheists are.

Stretch and be stubborn and try and try and try and do...

Yeesh, I'm tired. Didn't make it to church, amusingly enough, and just read more Bujold and thought more about it all.

I am still figuring out who I am. We'll see where things lead.

© 1997 by Liralen Li

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