August 5, 1997

Wrists are a lot better today, mostly because of soccer. For some reason all the physical activity seems to wash out all the ache in my wrists. Likely all the built up acids getting washed out with the high flow of blood and other fluids through all my muscles. Whatever the reason, it feels much better now.

The wait for the pictures is still going on. I'm sad to say that the new batch are still somewhat color deficient, likely because of something else entirely; but even the green blue shirt that I had was more blue than green, so now I have something to colorize with. Adam Z's gonna scan 'em for me and we can play with the photo touch up stuff after he does that. That'll be keen.

The game last night was okay, not great, not terrible. We lost, but I played okay. Wasn't as all-out as the last several weeks, but I really do feel the lack of sleep that's been piling up with David around.

Got... I dunno. Frightened is not the word. But it's going to be out ten year anniversary on Friday. Ten years. Ten years of marriage. Ten years of being together with one guy that I've loved and loved and lived with and shared a whole lot of my life with. The one guy that I really could do as was said in The Prophet, to grow and wind two lives together, to be close but not so close as to shade the other into oblivion. We're planning on going to Portland and staying a weekend and exploring that city together. Have an entire weekend together without church or state or work getting in the way, and just enjoy each other for a bit. It's going to be fun, I think.

There's this story, a retelling of story of Tam Lin... where the human sacrifice is asked if he loves anyone as one of the holds the mortal world has on him and he says no. The heroine of the tale, in tears, after rescueing him and being in complete and hopeless love with him, tells him he can't be in love with her because he said that. And he explains it by asking, "Do you say that you're in love with your arm or your mind? I am not in love with those things, but I cannot imagine living my life without them... it would be possible, but would it be worth living?"

I often think of John that way. MyJohn. The Rosty dude of the Rostyki. He's kinda like my mind, sometimes... once said to someone that we're not joined at the hip, at all, but sometimes I think we're joined at the mind. Telepathy. We're a prime example for why pictionary should never be played with married couples on the same team. Once, John got the word 'dehydrate' and wanted to draw a desert to show it. By accident he drew waves instead of dunes... and then crossed them out. I yelled, "Dehydrate!" and everyone looked at me really funny. Well, it was waves... water... and he was crossing them out, so not-water... which was dehydrate!

He's been urging me to write, to just go out and do it. We'll likely be buying me one of the ergo keyboards soon and in a year or two when the dictation software comes down to more reasonable prices probably doing a bit more to keep my hands from getting hurt. We. It's nice to think of it that way.

Cera made mention that it was hard for her to think of herself as being better, more stable, for having a particular human being around. It's something that I've had to figure out for myself, it seems. I am better for having John to stablize me and, even more importantly, stay out of my way and let me find myself without pressure or urging. Though, admittedly, Mark was, in many ways, the pressure and heat to catalyze the doing of that in huge and terrible ways. I did a lot more self-examination with Mark than with any other human being, but it was not a comfortable or straightforward process. My relationship with Mark, though, also taught both John and I a lot of our relationship together as well, and rather than breaking what we had, it's only made it stronger.

It's been quite a relationship. May it continue for a long time.

Usenet is dead. Long live the Web. It's been years and years since I've actually read anything on Usenet. Mailing lists seem to be the only useful things to read anymore, and they're controllable with subscription and unsubscription and can be limited to reasonble and intersting people rather than letting anyone in that happens to want to explode in and mess with folks heads.

Been a reader of mailing lists for the last while, and been getting on various ones here and there that have been worthwhile, mostly groups of people that want to talk to ech other, who are clued and who have all given some proof to someone of being clued. Invitation only or addition through a controller seem to help. Lirakin's one of them, but it's mostly a broadcast only group, for me. The Horde has it's own list and even sublists for particular subjects and interests. The diary list is also a very good one for interesting conversations and Jay's introduced me to another buncha keen folks as well. They're fun and very interesting.

Only problem is that publishing stories on the Usenet was far easier than it is on a personal Website, in that anyone that had any interest in a type of story could just look at a few groups rather than having to search the Web for something of the same keywords. Don't quiet know how to address that yet, and may not need to.

It's keen to know that there are a number of folks in the Horde that are writing a 1000 words a day. Often any words, but just being sure that someone is there to make sure that they do... Kit's 1000 word page is really keen. And Trip's writing page shows good examples of his command of the language and descriptive capability. Be sure to look under his 'paragraph' tag. Taking the steps to do something with ones dreams.

© 1997 by Liralen Li

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