August 6, 1997

Damnit. Now my laptop is missing from my cubicle. This really, really sucks.


Was just so pissed off at the above that I just couldn't write anymore and then realized that, likely or not, it actually isn't gone. Called home and David found it in the backpack I haven't picked up for a week, so it's safe and home and hasn't been stolen by someone in the plant. That is good.

Have another game tonight... should probably leave for it soon as it's already 6:30pm. Had a recruiter for the Borg [1] email me a few weeks back and both David and John said that I should at least try and find out what the job's about and what they might or might not be able to offer me so far as a job, and so, well, I wrote the guy today, and he wanted a resume of a particular style, which wasn't the bad part, what he wanted was information as to my experience on the Internet.

I mean... I've had twelve years of experience using the Internet. Doing everything from reading and posting to Usenet to doing... well... this.

It's not like I've studied the technologies so much as expressed myself thorugh them. I am not at all sure if it's what they want or what they need or what; but I don't think I'm going to let my inner voices argue me out of at least trying this particular test.

Have to admit that it's driving me nuts, though. But I'll either cope or not and pull out. As it is I'm coping okay.


Markleford hasn't written since I answered his letter, telling him, basically that it wasn't just his judgement on movies that I might have different values than him on. It's on just about everything. Also told him that I mostly just stayed away or got intimate and if he dances on my periphery I'll get paranoid. I think, basically, he's taken himself off to do whatever it is he needs to do. Including therapy. Life.


Had a long talk with a few people that might be interested in Clarion West next year, and it'll be interesting, especially if Bryant and I manage to get into it together. I enjoy Bryant's mind, and have a feeling that he'd probably be really good for my writing, as he has both the experience and the willingness to learn. Cera doesn't have the first, but does have the second, which is why I think she'd be interesting, too; but I could see why she couldn't afford it for a while.

I'm at a point where I'm just thinking of completely blowing up my present life and running somewhere, anywhere else. Too much is happening, too many things are going on, and I'm having real difficulties concentrating on the here and the now and what I really need or want. Maybe all I really need is to write.

Maybe that's why I turned my hair green.

You know, in the lab experiment, when the monkey got turned green the other monkeys went in and tore it apart. No one's torn me apart but me...


Had two dreams last night, and I remember that the first was just utterly terrifying. The second made me laugh. But it's been a long, long, long time since I've had dreams that made me afraid, for any reason. If you read my dream archives you'll notice that for years there weren't really any dreams where I was terrified, eventhough a lot of those situations were really bizarre or painful or scary. I just wasn't ever scared in my dreams, and just suddenly, recently, terror seems to be sniffing at my heels. I wonder what it means.

Gotta run off to soccer, more in a bit... and I finally got the pictures to the correct shade of green, ha ha! Thumbnails tomorrow, I think...


[1] The Borg is the local name for Microsoft Corporation as they seem to be assimilating everyone that's worthwhile working with and everything that anyone might want. It's not fun.
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© 1997 by Liralen Li

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