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July 6, 1999
a year ago


Tired and scrambling today.

I have two or three different things pulling at me, and a fourth that took conversational time, but should head off problems in the long-run. Got to have lunch with Cary and the guys at Juan's and it was yummy and good and fun to watch the guys that got the really hot sauce just die from the heat.

Talked over with Jenny and Jennifer the swimming schedule for tomorrow, and I'll probably walk/jog the two miles to the pool tomorrow, meet them there and swim a lap before collapsing and then have Jennifer drive me back. Jenny's going on her bike. She's got a 150 mile bike ride this coming weekend, a two-day event. Jennifer swims, on average, 3000 yards a day. I am so totally outclassed it makes me laugh. Though, admittedly, Jennifer was sore and tired from trying to run even a mile, and Jenny swims a lap at a time, but does manage 1000 yards.

They're both really nice about it all, though, and both really supportive. But I'm fairly sure, already, that I'm not going to do the triathlon. I'm just curious as to what I'm capable of doing. Admittedly, I think I'd prefer biking to work and then biking along the paths just for the fun of getting from Point A to Point B rather than worrying, at all, how *fast* I'm doing anything; but it should be interesting to at least try out the swimming. If it sucks badly enough I haven't turned in my form, yet, and I'm not planning on doing it at all if I suck at two of the three. That just seems wrong, somehow, to do the things that I *don't* like when there really are so many things that I do like.

Thanks, Rick, for a bit of perspective.

Cera and I had another nice, long talk into the evening. In a lot of ways, she seems to be doing the things that I always thought I needed Mark to do. The mirroring, the odd understandings that aren't possible with just words but with some commonality of experience and emotion. Then again, when I really think about it, Mark and I haven't had that in years. So it's a gap that has been feeling really sad and empty for a while. Without any needs involved, and without either of us really having to be dependable for the other, either. What's coolest is a complete lack of self-deprecation on both our sides. It's the whole 'I don't have to take care of you' thing in conjunction with the connection, which has never happened to me before. It's very neat.

Dinner was yummy. I had the leftover lamb from yesterday, and it was just as good because I didn't heat it too much, so it was still tender and nice. John put some burritos together for himself.

I then paniced and packed everything I could think of into the bag that I was taking into work so that I could do the two-mile walk and the swim and still shower when I got back, and then I knit furiously for a while. John pulled out the tapes for "From the Earth to the Moon" that Kathy had made for him, and we watched the first few episodes, which covered most of the space program through to Apollo 1. Apollo 1, the one that caught fire in a test, made for an entire episode itself, which began with the accident and followed the consequences.

It was sad, fascinating, and interesting. I never really followed the space program, mostly because I was probably too young, then, so I might have known a bare tenth of the names that appeared through the episodes. I learned more, though. It's a good thing to remember, I think and the series does a very cool and interesting thing with each episode and with all the characters that run through them, all the personalities, the conflicts and the eventual goals. All the consequences are staggering taken in the whole.

I wanted to just keep watching, but it got late and I have a busy day tomorrow.

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