March 4, 1998

A Complete Idiot

I am a complete idiot. Okay... not complete. Maybe not idiotic all the time, but I sure was idiotic for a vital five minutes. I was logged onto, changed my password so that it would be a one-use only password for an unsecure transfer, i.e. ftp, and then promptly forgot the password. To the point where I couldn't even change it back.

So I asked eskimo support to reset my password. Then I remembered it for a brief moment, and then was locked out of passwd, because support was resetting it for me. So I'll likely go home to a message on the answering machine that tells me my new password. I hope. Or else I'm stuck without my eskimo account for some time. *sigh*. So if you mail there, it won't get to me for a while.

I am an idiot.

Then I read Rob Brezsny's Libra forecast for the week and laughed until I fell over. Wow.

Last night was pretty good. Just went home, made dinner, did my leg exercises, and then took a long, hot black current bubble bath and went to sleep while reading the J. Peterman's catalog and day dreaming about dresses and shirts and real clothing. Their web site is at a minimum presently as they redesign it, but the catalog is well worth getting simply for the prose bits, which are more descriptive of what they tried to make the clothing be. But it's fun to read and think through. I've never really been that interested in clothing before, but then I've never run across a place that had clothing that I could love, before.

I had a very anime dream, too.

It was of myself and two other women, girls, really, that were running around this martial arts competition that was being held in an L-shaped auditorium, with the winners bracket going to one wing, the losers bracket going to the other, and we were here because of omens and portents that pointed out the possibility that there would be a killer unleashed in the competition. We were charged to destroy the killer before it could destroy everyone there, and we were to know it by two things. The first was that one of the three of us would make eye contact with the killer, the other was simply by the magnitude of the damage it would inflict.

We had been urged to deal with it quickly, as quickly and completely as possible, but we had no idea who it was.

The textures and feelings of the dream aren't even close to being captured through this. Our friends and enemies and rivals were among those in the competition, other schools, other people, other girls and people as well, all involved in the detailed actions of holding a meet. It was chaos and confusion, and running from one end of the auditorium to the other was filled with dodging people, laughter, and the feeling of a young, trim body in full fitness with no breathlessness, no pain, and filled with keen and simple intent.

The competition was a double elimination tournament, with all the complexities implied, with all the setup of whom is against who, what is against where, and how it all works out. We talked with quite a few people that just stopped to say hi, watched a few competitions of friends, enemies and strangers.

We were in the winners bracket area when a man with black hair and a medium build suddenly spun into a whirlwind attack that killed the man he was up against. An anime flying of blood, and then silence across that section of the arena. The black haired man then stopped, which we hadn't expected of what we were supposed to kill, and stepped aside for the medic team. But the imprint of the speed and directions of his attack were imprinted on my mind.

So we went over to the loser's bracket and I saw a friend of mine who was huge, big, blond, ice blue eyes, and comfy to hug, so I hugged him and in the dream, while I hugged him I couldn't see the film of grey that went over his eyes after I'd looked him in the eyes. Then we went into competition, and he started an attack in his usual manner, and then suddenly went into a whirlwind attack that I had to react pretty hard to. Harder than I wanted to, really, but the force and angle and way he attacked meant that I had to defend with everything I had and then some. His counter attack and defense ended up slamming into a girl spectator, whose head snapped back so quickly that the stems from a half finished basket went through her skull.


We stopped immediately, and he wasn't violent at all after that, and it just confused the hell out of all of us. So the three of us and a red-headed girl who was from a rival school sat down and talked for a while, and one of the girls with me said that I shouldn't be reacting so hard. I blinked and said that I'd have been more contained if I hadn't been pushed to the edge of my abilities to defend myself. I turned to the red-head and asked her to confirm the fact that I'm usually good enough to have a lot better control than that. Being a rival, she took a moment, but then nodded in agreement. She said that I was good enough to not have done that against a normal opponent, but then outlined the elements of the blond's attack that had made it impossible for me to do anything other than I had done.

So I woke up with the mystery still unsolved.

Busy, busy day today. We're getting on track and there are things to do and all the tools to do them with. This is going to be pretty cool. I'm not only modeling things on paper, but also doing some of them in code, and it's been a lot of fun. It's going to get more fun, with real due dates, real milestones and real things that can be done and finished and settled onto another run of creation.

So I haven't really missed my mail from eskimo too much, but tonight well be a doozy.

© 1998 by Liralen Li.

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