October 14, 1997

It's odd to wake up and see sunlight outside. Odd to feel the moisture in the air each day, and somewhat odd to have to know what day it is, what the date is and actually care. No more propane or champagne early in the morning. Sadness. I guess that that is what happens when one goes off of vacation in many ways.

I keep catching myself singing, "Rooooll me oooover, in the cloooover!" which is the song Richard sang while rolling the basket down before inflation or when setting it up after all the packing up was done. I miss his good cheer.

Came back from Albequerque on Sunday, and it's been an interesting couple of days. Working a lot on the travellog to make it presentable. Even on Sunday, I started feeling all the things that I had to worry about for work and all things work related come piling down and I suddenly realized just what I'd put off, let go of when I went on vacation. There were a lot of things that John and I just dropped when we flew out and away from all things familiar. Small stuff included forgetting to run the dish washer before leaving, forgetting, completely, to plan our food so that we didn't leave random stuff in the fridge, and I ordered the white glazed teapot before leaving but forgot that no one would be here to recieve it. It got here just fine and was waiting for us on the doorstep when we got back.

There was also all the job interview things and all the uncertainty about work, so first thing I did yesterday morning, around 7:30am (yes, we were into work around 7am, a hold over of habits from New Mexico and having to get up each morning before 5am) was call both of the recruiters that I was interviewing with today and tomorrow and tell them that things had changed at Synario and I wasn't going to be looking for a job anymore. So that was that. The lady from Active Voice called back, told me that I was the exact skill set she was looking for, and if there were any more like me here, that I should call and tell her. She also wanted me if I might be available in a month or two, and was very willing to check back with me then to see how things went.

So that was an unlooked for egoboost.

Another was having a number of the regular readers of this journal ask me if I was okay. Mostly because the vacation came on John and I so suddenly that I hadn't even really mentioned it here, and so they were worried about me because I hadn't updated things at all while I was gone. That was really neat to know and it felt really good to know that people cared enough about me to ask.

James Walden also found out that his account on defoe had been destroyed, somewhat, and was just barely able to get at mail there and wrote me to tell me what had happened. There had actually been a hardware crash on the main server for cmuhep2, and the whole thing had been brought down, badly, and badly rebuilt so that not all the home accounts were rebuilt. It also turned out that the one backup that had been made a week ago was on a tape that the rebuilt machine couldn't read anymore. Wheeee...

Never assign to malice what can be explained by incompetence.

So, anyway... what now? Work is going okay, there's going to be a high-tech expo at the Seattle center today and tomorrow and even if I'm not really looking for a job, it would be interesting to see what people like me are getting paid, now, and what kinds of non-monetary benefits folks are getting elsewhere, or are being offered elsewhere. I really like the four weeks of PTO that I get here, and that's something that I haven't seen anywhere else.

Had a soccer game last night and spent a lot of time coughing. Don't know why but my lungs felt like they were coated in dried phlegm that just wasn't coming up. Yeesh. The game was okay, the night was perfect for a game, cold and crisp and dry. There were three guys I really hated on the other team and they all got so obnoxious that the ref tossed all of them for a while with yellow cards. We got two goals in the first half, swapped people around for the beginning of the second half, and they scored two goals fairly quickly, so I moved back on defense.

I didn't want them to win. I went back there with the express intent of shutting all their offense down. To not let them by and to not let the ball by. Period. And I didn't.

Sometimes that surprises me, still. To have an express purpose, to not let myself stray from it through false modesty or because some part of me still argues that a girl should not be able to think that she's that competent, or something. There is some part that struggles against that kind of commitment, that says that that is some kind of hubris that will only bring doom. Like saying that if I walked into that high-tech expo with a stack of resumes that I'd come out with a handful of offers. Some small voice still says that it's wrong to assume, wrong to feel like I can be that good, that I *am* that good.

Which is, admittedly, odd, when I have the data, the proof, that it is so. Yes, I got the offer from Cypress, yes it's for as much as I asked for. No less, when what I asked was something I thought audacious. Plus stock options. Yeesh.

Anyway... yeah... it applies to soccer, too, as I kept taking it away from the other team, time and time again, and passing it to my people. It was very solid-feeling to be back there and doing what I do best. Even weighed two hand-balls and the penalties against letting the guy break through with the ball and took the penalty to good effect. That was kinda cool to know that I could think that through in the midst of action and do the right thing. Both penalty kickes were out to the side and it worked out just fine.

Hot, hot shower with water that actually rinsed away the soap. purrrrrrrrr. That was one thing I couldn't get used to in Albequerque, that the water was so hard, the soap just didn't rinse away, at all, leaving a slick film always on the skin. The blue is washing out like before, a little at a time, and the tips and middles are a little more green with each passing week.

Fezzik was pretty happy to be home, too, and he slept right square in the middle of his blanket as if he was glad to know that it was still there, and eventhough I covered him in anti-flea spray, he forgave me much more quickly than usual. He is also much more into getting petted and hugged and have a fuss made over him than usual, and it's good to be able to give that to him. The Cedar River folks took good care of him and combed him out really well.

It's good to be home.

Heh. I'm gonna try and spell better, and I'm using the spell utilities on the machine here to try and catch the obvious things. It'll likely be a good discipline for me.

© 1997 by Liralen Li

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