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April 1, 2001
a year ago
two years ago
three years ago

A Great Reality

The difference is amazing. What a complete difference between having John's parents here and not. It's so much quieter. Not better or worse, just so much quieter. I do have to do more of the moment to moment watching of Jet, but that's good, too, in that I get to see more of his moods throughout the day. There were a few days there when I felt like I only got to see Jet when I was feeding him. Now there are moments when I can actually have him to myself for a bit, especially when John's working on something. It's pretty neat to watching him and see him trying out smiles.

He's still a bit uncertain about them, but I think we're generating a bunch of enthusiasm for them whenever he happens on that expression.

We managed to make blueberry pancakes for breakfast. They were juicy and yummy and happily sweet. I then entertained Jet while John went to Home Depot and bought a bunch of treated railroad ties for one of the window wells off the basement. It has to be lined with treated timbers and his dad couldn't go get the timbers by himself, so John got them to be ready for when his parents get back.

In the afternoon, we watched High Fidelity. I was unimpressed with the first two-thirds of the movie whenever Cusack was talking to the camera. Many of the characters were fun and interesting and the record store folks were true geeks; but some of the stuff spouted just made me really mad. The last third of the movie, however, turned into something completely unexpected from the first parts. I liked it. I learned something from it, and it expressed something that I'd only incoherently felt and experienced, but never really understood until I saw the movie.

I fall in love with the fantasy of someone else. Where there aren't the day-to-day problems, the communication problems, the things that have to be worked out the hard way, the way I've had to work them out with John. That I go, sometimes, to other people for the fantasy of what I think they are rather than what they truly are. I know John truly. Really, hard and soft, tired and strong, joyful and sad. It's not any fantasy, but it is real. And I love that reality.

I also realized that I like the reality, especially after this last year of being pregnant and this beginning of bringing Jet up, better than any fantasy I could ever dream up from now on. Especially since John's seen strengths in me he'd never seen tested before, but from what he's said, he always believed they were there. The birthing experience has really changed how I see how he looks at me. The change wasn't so much in him and how he saw me as in how I could accept what he does see in me. That's so oddly important to me now.

After the movie, we went to return it immediately. They'd, somehow, gotten Gladiator back a day late, and charged us for it when we'd returned it on the day it was due. I think they didn't empty the box until after noon, which is why it appeared late, which pissed John off a bit. I really have to sign up with NetFlix.

Anyway, we went to Safeway to get a few small things, and Jet wet himself while we were shopping, so we changed him. We'd completely run out of his cotton diapers, so he was in a disposable and we made a cool discovery. Disposables are easy when we're traveling, becuase they can just be tossed, we don't have to bag it and bring it back home. It's much easier. I should remember that. We planned to get dinner from Popeye's but, for some reason the interior of the gas station and the fried chicken place were both closed. So we went home and had fish slabs and tatertots instead.

Then, since I hadn't had one for most of the time Isabel and George were here, I took a nice, long bath. I really like how the Lush bubblebath bars melt and foam. The foam lasts a good long time and is really, really rich and thick. It also doesn't make me react in any bad ways, from what I can tell. I also really can't tell the original scents too well, but maybe that's part of why they don't bother me so much.

I was mildly curious to see if a disposable would help Jet not be completely soaking wet at night, and it turned out that he pee'd so much that the darned disposable *leaked*. So feeding him all night with a disposable wouldn't have worked anyway. That absorbant stuff just wasn't enough to keep him dry for even the first half of the night anyway. Maybe once he goes to bigger diapers and is eating less at night that might work, but until then it doesn't do any better than the diaper service diapers. My.

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