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February 1, 1999
a year ago

Questions

Oddly enough, I think that having the 'year ago' links above make it all the easier to write an entry every day, since I know that I did it before.

Another oddity is that I'm remembering what it was like as a kid, having to clean my room every morning, make my bed, make sure everything was impeccably in place for the times when the realtor wanted to show the house. I remember how odd it was to always come home to a completely neat and completely picked up and completely clean house. I think it's why, the minute I left home and went to college, I sprawled *all* over my dorm room, to the point where someone couldn't even walk into my room if they didn't have the balance of a cat or a tai chi artist. Good thing I knew tai chi.

Work is work. Question mongering. We're figuring out what to ask and how to ask it and we've found out who we're asking it to. Never have a sales rep line up customers. They want someone that'll 'fix' or promise to fix everything the customer asks for and it's really not the same.

Anyway. Spent the day hammering out questions and thoughts and figuring out the focus of all this, and fighting to have it come out right. Got a horoscope thingy from Em today that was more on than off. I really love teams and getting them to work, but there really are points in every team action where I just get mad at blindness or stupidity or simple human failures and start blasting into things full-force and it kinda makes the relationships a bit strained for a bit. But it accomplishes the goals. It's the odd balance of wanting team dynamics to work and fierce and absolute desire to get things right.

Though I'll admit I'm harder on myself than just about anyone else, it doesn't help the 'anyone else' much when they are in direct line of my blasting.

Ah well.

Spent the afternoon ordering question and letting others get in on it and figuring things out too. I have my notebook system. I'm completely panicing about what the hell I'm going to wear. I'm very, very tempted to do the dress pants, dress shirt and a tie that the guys are going to do, but I really probably should just wear a nice dress instead. Don't really want them dismissing me as a smartass from the very first look. There are times and there are times. If I wore my Suit, I'd probably be way too fashionable for the engineers to talk to me straight, either. Either way I feel doomed that the guys aren't just wearing khakis and polo shirts.

So after I finished work stuff, I started browsing pens again. Red flag number one. Anyway. I came across a really simple pen on the Vintage Pens web site, that's pre-War, has a flexible gold nib, and is pretty plain in outside appearance. It was built in 1935, though, and is in excellent condition, and I'm kinda infatuated with it. It seems to fill the niche of usable, durable, not too fancy and not a 'looker' but something unique and something that will be flexible enough to write uniquely.

It's also way cheaper than the pen I couldn't get, yet.

We went home a bit after 6:30, and talked about dinner on the way home, and John felt like he could do the perogies with onions and peppers himself, so when we got home, I managed to go up and change and get on the bike. I didn't want to, but I did it anyway, and stayed on for a good eleven minutes, did another ten minutes of knee exercises, until my leg muscles were screaming and my hands actually felt pretty good. It wasn't quite as painful as Thursday, and not even nearly as painful as a year ago. Which was a really good way of comparison. So I'm getting better, significantly.

By the time I was done with my shower, John had dinner ready and it was delicious. He finished off with brownies and ice cream and with the additional work I didn't feel emotionally ooky about eating something fun and yummy. So that worked as well. I really have to do this more often, and while it squeaks, I can kinda offset the right handle a little and get it to work for a while. Though, admittedly, I am really, really in favor of selling the thing to some store that takes old equipment and buying a nicer one when we're in Boulder, or something like that.

I kept my hands still for the evening, just wanted to rest them and they were tired after all the typing of the day. John and Fezzik decided to go for a walk around 10, so I put on my Big Boots, my hat and my coat and went out with them. My legs were pretty sore, and getting up the driveway was something of a pain, but I made it, and it felt pretty good. We then trooped about and Fezzik was active and happy in the cold and wet, face into the rain and wind. He did well, and we got back happy and cold, and he sparkled where he lay on the carpet, with all the water still suspended on his coat.

John and I then sat down and did the paperwork for a pre-qualification on a house loan in Boulder and it actually looks pretty good. I signed everything with my Namiki Vanishing Point as the gold nib is fairly flexible compared to my other fountain pens, and as I wrote with it I thought about the 1935 Waterman. A lot.

Thought about it so much that it went through all my sleep and dreams.

Guess I should probably buy it.

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