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January 27, 2000
a year ago
two years ago


John and I got in early this morning. The world was covered in snow when we woke up so Fezzik wanted to be out in it as quickly as possible. That was very cute. The roads were snowy and it was still snowing as we drove into Boulder, not too slow but not at all out of control. We had a 9 a.m. meeting, so we went to the Sunlight donut shop, bought a dozen donuts and took them into the meeting with us. Yum. Donuts.

Bugs, bugs, bugs. I'm drowning in bugs and which ones to fix when and the more I talk with other people, the more that I wonder what I really should be working on and so I talk with my boss and we straighten it out.

Also. Kudos to Geoff for taking the time and effort this morning to make sure that things were settled from yesterday. We actually worked all the way through it and all the way through some things about how I deal with confrontative conversations that I really should be more conscious of doing. What was really, really good about it was that we both figured out that we both own a piece of it and that we could work through the whole reaction triggering another reaction thing. That is a very useful lesson to know. While I do have some tendencies that explain why things happened with Mark, there are also things I can do about it and at least one person who has the same problems but is willing to work it through with me until we figure it out. That Geoff claimed his part of it was just such a tremendous relief compared to my ghosts of Mark that it was insane. What was best was that he claimed it without any guilt, so we just matter-of-factly worked through whose was what and how to plan for it in the future. No breast-beating, no blame, and no unrealistic expectations as to what we could or couldn't do about old, old reflexes.

I've had it very nice and easy with John, who doesn't react when I get angry. He just stays calm and untouched while I rage around him and when I'm done it's done. Nothing for him to apologize for of anything, and when he's that unreactive, I burn out pretty quickly. It doesn't happen often, but it does occasionally and it's relatively low-key anymore as I don't trigger off what he, basically, doesn't do. Which is very, very stablizing for someone like me. But it also means that I haven't had to learn how to deal with that side of me that does go off the handle.

Given my experiences of the past month, I really need to get more practice doing that and figuring out more constructive paths. So this whole personality play with Geoff should help with that.

I talked with everyone today in our group, trying to bounce ideas off people, see who had looked into this or similar bugs, and then trying to fit some things together. I couldn't test any of my fixes from yesterday because the ghost bug was blowing everything away before it even touched the code that I'd fixed. Bad.


Then Bob said that he'd found that one of the smart pointers for a collection had too limited a scope for a problem that he was having that was nearly identical to the one that I was chasing. The two of us spent some time over the phone as he was chasing that down, so I had some idea of how he figured out the real culprit, just as I figured out that what he was fixing wouldn't fix my exact problem. Still, this definitely gave me something to look for and was a relatively painless fix for Bob. So I have a hint for tomorrow...

When my boss's boss said everyone was going out for beers at 5:45, I was ready to go. A bunch of us took over a part of an Irish pub and everyone drank beer while I drank ginger ale. Good to unwind and relax and just talk about anything and everything. The pub is interesting since all restaurants in the Boulder city limits are smokeless, it was everything I remembered about a British pub, but without any hint of smoke. I was starving by 8 and some folks had left so the remaining five of us sat down and had fish and chips and the fish arrived still so hot I couldn't hold it long enough to bring it to my mouth. Thick slabs of cod with an ale batter with crisp, spiced fat fries and a cooling cole slaw. I drowned everything with malt vinegar and then ate small, quick bites of the fish until I could actually chew it.


That was good food.

Home again, home again.

Fezzik bounded out of the dark when we got home, barking and then racing me back to the house. The snow really brings his energy level up and he raced about happily, a huge whirlwind of black fur and happiness. He kept running into me when we were in the house so that I'd pet him. I ruffled him all over, wrestled with him a little and then scritched him all over as well, pounding him gently between the eyes with the flat of my palm. He loved it and kept coming back for more, until I ended up sitting on the floor and just holding him close. Cool dog. He butted my chest with his head and licked my chin and stomped on my foot before going to tackle John for more pets.

That was cool. It was also cool to just sit and talk over all the possibilities for the bug with John as he didn't have any more clue than I did, but he approached the problem differently so that I got to see what we probably needed to look at in the morning. What was better yet was him simply saying that some problems really need two brains to look at them, that some of them are just so big they really can't all be held in one brain, even his. So I felt much less stupid, much more capable and he promised that we'd go in early together so he'd have some time to work on it with me. That should be useful.

Fezzik and John snored in synch when we finally went to bed. I giggled myself to sleep.

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