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January 26, 2000
a year ago
two years ago

Frustrated

John got up early, closed the door and quietly worked while I slept a while longer. When I got up, he showed me that everything had gone through as planned, and we set up all the buy items as well. Those went through pretty quickly as well. It was nearly frightening how easy it was to move all that money around. All for less than the price of one broker trade. That was pretty ironic.

As John says, "At least we don't *keep* doing the stupid things."

Battle battle work. Including a completely new installation thing for everything, which is just making me beat my head against a wall.

Then, of course, the whole stock market starts slip-sliding along. Luckily most of the stocks that we're holding now aren't the Big Gainers of the last year so folks aren't doing big profit-taking from them. They're mostly losing very small percentages, the ones that are losing at all.

Geoff accidently ran into one of my problem spots. I was really grumpy from all the other things and feeling frustrated in so many other ways that when something small happened I got upset in much the same patterns I was getting upset with Mark when he just couldn't seem to get that I was just in a really insecure mood. That was unpleasant. The good thing was that Geoff kept talking with me through it when he could. Email is sometimes frustrating for the timing things. But he got me to at least a stable place before he had to go and I had to go and work some more. And he was really good at giving me enough room to make me aware of what I really owned. That was important. And he claimed what part of it he owned, which didn't make me happy, but it did pave the way to something even more solid than just happiness. Thing is, though that I really had to think about it and my brain worried it along with everything else.

Anyway. I was really unhappy with work, in part because there's this really nasty disappearing object bug. It shows up okay, but the implementation behind it has ghosted away by the time a user can click on it. Which just sucks. Big time. I rampaged through the code and have gotten completely convoluted about it. So, instead of chasing it further, I went over all my code review notes from last week and made the changes I wanted to make that cleaned up a number of other things, first. Feeling a bit more fortified, I hit myself in the head with this ghost bug for a few more hours before John finally wanted to go home.

I was antsy, irate, restless, angry, and pacing around when I got home. I was also exhausted from the weekend and not really having much time to recuperate from that. John rode the exercise bicycle while I threw together a turkey cassarole. Was reminded by something Jason said a while back and just tossed cream of something soup into a cassarole with herbs, Wostershire, mustard, frozen sweet corn, chopped turkey, cooked bow tie noodles, and topped it off with bread crumbs chopped with French's french fried onion rings. Stuffed it into the oven and started riding the bike.

At least I exhausted myself to the point where I couldn't pace anymore. The scent of the cassarole was also useful for calming down and I ate a little. Not that hungry. That's not a terribly good sign for me, usually.

But I was, with the physical tiredness, able to just sit on my brain and stop it from whirling around everything and finally fell asleep.

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