July 11, 1997

Did you know that 90% of all thoughts that most people have are negative? It makes me wonder, sometimes. Habits lead to patterns lead to actions... and I want most of my actions and thoughts to be positive. So I guess the main way to do that is to start with my thoughts. Amusingly enough, just by writing this, I've had to correct three negatives.

Woke up really grumpy this morning, mostly because I couldn't sleep last night because all kinds of alternative futures and 'things I gotta remember for the trip's kept pushing sleep out of my head. Things about being careful to get my contacts out before Angie applies the bleach to my hair, being sure that I don't get Carl's pillows all blue while sleeping, and meeting up with everyone at the right time was kinda nerve wracking to think through ten thousand times. Poor John eventually moved downstairs to sleep on the couch because he just couldn't get to sleep with all my disruptions.

There are times when I think that, maybe, those that say that I think too much might be right. Then I think about that 90% negative and shake my head.

So I'm at work right now with an Odwalla mocha Future Shake and enjoying it some while finishing up a few callbacks on the dialog application.

There are a lot of them. I have to admit it, I'm always surprised when anything works in Windows programming, especially when it's something as new and oddly juxtiposed as the tabbed dialog boxes.

I am ready, I think. Just a little wound up about the hair, we'll see how it turns out today, thank Goodness. I might actually be able to sleep tonight.

Oh! Yeah... and hoorah about getting accepted into the Open Pages ring. It's keen. Also amusing to have the entry right to the 'next' of me have, all of a sudden, an entry about how much he hates Christianity, and reading it through, I'll agree, those are good reasons to hate particular implementations of the Church. And those bits really suck. I'll admit that, for myself, most of those points aren't what Christianity's all about, though. Eh... more about it in my Self-Defense from fanatic Christians. Sad that it's necessary, though.

Odd, as always, to feel rather odd saying all that when I'm actually a deacon in a church (note: I'm not a Deacon in a Church, though). Thing is that it's no good defending things that I hate about the Church and people's proven perceptions of the organization anyway. Just feeds my own feeling that, more and more, the Christian Church of today fills the same role that the Jewish Temples did in Christ's day. Where the power and the people control and the sheer pressure and weight of tradition has completely obliderated the original message and its meaning to people.

Though, in a few pockets, the original still thrives.

© 1997 by Liralen Li

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