July 12, 1999
Had a really solid day today.
I think it started with reading Raven's entry about ghosts. Okay, he doesn't term it that way, but that's what I got out of how he was working through something entirely different. What really hit me was what he wrote about ghosts, and how it really fell in with how I was battling everything that was trailing behind me all weekend.
I mostly just buckled down and wrote a bunch of stuff that needed to be written. Specifications really seem to be much easier after I've written a bunch of other things and get back into the English language output mode, or something. Journal entries in the early morning, then a half a dozen spec items all detailed and pretty. That was very nice.
It was good to have that under my belt and just break any loop of odd thoughts with all the technical issues, questions and uncertainties. I was half-expecting something from Jenn as she wanted to take the weekend off to think; but when nothing came, I just kept going.
Was very happy to just sit and talk with Cera for a while today. She's entirely right about the fact that this closeness sneaking up. On me, too. It was unexpected, entirely, how many feelings we actually share about various bits of reality. It helped stablize me and kept me working and it really felt good to get things done.
There's something interesting about this whole project. First the oddest thing in the world is going into a meeting with apps, marketing, technical writing, engineering, and VP's from other parts of the company and being addressed as the senior engineer on the project. That's never happened to me before. The coolest thing is the feeling of progress, that each week's goals are not only doable but the necessary next stage to the whole of the project. I'm gradually getting the feeling that I'm not only going to be doing more in the next six months than I've ever done before, but that, as a group, we're probably going to accomplish more than I've ever done in my life.
This is why we changed jobs, this is why we moved. This is all the difference in the world. I'm creating something that just couldn't be done by myself, and the sweetest thing is knowing that I'm guiding it technically and have a say in how it's going to be done and I don't have to write it all myself. Working with all these people has been a lot more work; but it's been well worth it when I see what people can do to the pieces I had no experience with. The biggest example is just my boss, Steve, who is an absolutely excellent manager for all this.
My afternoon meeting with him, one on one, was just a joy. Going through all the things that I was to do, and double-checking the uncertainties and triple-checking what was okay with me, he's done a real job trying to match up jobs with what folks are able to do which. What he's loved is the flexibility of the whole group, each able to do things the others can do, and switch-hit for each other when things get tight. This is very cool. From him I'm learning, also, a lot more about communication, about how large groups are coordinated and about how to handle conflicts within groups. It felt really good.
Good enough that I went out with the 'guys' for beers after work, and actually drank a whole stout by myself. I was, unfortunately, thirsty from a long day of concentrating (and forgetting about things like food and drink), so I drank the whole things pretty quick, and then it really hit me hard. Cary was asking me if I was okay. Bob and John were just mildly amused. I was mildly nauseous by the time I got into the car for John to drive me home, and he was saying, yeah, the altitude affects how alcohol affects one and that he was surprised to see me drinking that much that fast.
I didn't get really sick. Thank goodness and John as he made me a quick spaghetti dinner on getting home and it really helped settle my stomach really well.
THEN I got to open my box from Levenger. Yay! I had ordered the snail inkwells from Levenger a while back and now I have them! So I played with them and then put black ink in the blue one and wrote a lot with it. Wrote about the day, about the whole emotional mess, and about the good stuff, too. That was fun.
Then, because of the alcohol, I went to sleep like a snap. Just much later than I probably should have because we have to get up early tomorrow because we want to leave early for the soccer matches.