October 1, 1997

Argh argh argh.

My CMU account, which was given to me on the sufferance of a few folks there, and I really shouldn't complain, but my account was completely and totally destroyed last night. When I asked someone what had happened to it, my login was destroyed as well, without warning and without my being able to save anything.

And I was working on the changover to the October pages last night. This is what really gets me. I wish... I dunno. I kinda wish that they'd warned me, and I'm really glad that I archived everything at the end of August, or I'd be missing nearly six years' worth of writing and thought and expression. So anyway... it's feeling a little bit like I'm missing a month out of my life, now. Oh well, September was mostly about angst about my job uncertainty and all that, which wasn't that exciting. Though the whirlwind weekend still exists in my lirakin archives. That was most of the good bits anyway, for the month. Okay... so the dream about the demonic bitmaps was pretty good, as well as the conviction that MFC, COM, DCOM, OLE, and the old API's were all a work of Kobal, the demon prince of dark humor. Okay, and that John bought me both Sean and Gromet, and I love them both well.

Got a Chinese fortune cookie last night that said, "Now is the time to do new things." And so it is. Decisions are being delayed for a while, still on who we're going to be working for and all that.

Also had a heck of a fight with myJohn yesterday, and it was all due to my old insecurities, many of the same ones that used to make it so easy for Mark to hurt me a lot. But the real difference was that John took responsibility for his part of it and we took an intense couple of hours last night to work through the problem and I think we've found a way so that I won't get whacked like I did yesterday with a total sense of complete rejection and I might even get better instead of worse.

I've always had a thing about being abandoned. With Mark, it just pushed him further away. With John, it seems, we're figuring it out, gradually, mostly because John doesn't take all the blame and he doesn't make *me* take all the blame for miscommunications or screwups. We're in it together, so this is working out well.

After talking a lot of it out we wandered to the Golden Wok, and got dinner, with two orders of potstickers. Yum. That helped a lot, and then after that we went to QFC1 and we got a tube of the Spring Cherry Tea from the Republic of Tea. Cera was right, it's a lovely tea.

That helped out a lot. I'm slowly getting back into a track of some sort, but this whole web page thing has gotten me derailed again. Luckily, the cold is gradually fading...

Hopefully the soccer game tonight will burn it out completely.

Hrm. Well, the folks that are going to be determining our fate will be meeting with all the employees on Friday. Hopefully we'll know what's going on then, but no formal agreement was signed today. They seem to be intent, though, on making the change, and when they announce it publically, so shall I.

Oh, yes. Carl's right, I really should backup this whole site every week or so, especially with as much work and as much wear I put on my tendons each week writing these things. And, yes, somewhere there has to be a record in all this of Carl's amusement about the fact that he has no web site so all the folks that read all the web pages that reference him have only the references to work with.


1 QFC stands for Quality Food Centers and are local, fairly good grocery stories. Back
© 1997 by Liralen Li

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