September 18, 1998
Goin' Crazy Over You
I am far too fond of certainty. And far too drained by complete uncertainty in some situations. But this is gradually working out.
Went to sleep wondering what Hell would be like for me and was discarding the usual models of fire or physical torture or stuff like that. The physical pain has never been a really bad problem or much of a bender for me. There were all kinds of things in that way, torture, restraints, confinement, and I'm happy in my head. I went to sleep wondering about it and then, near morning, the dream hit me of what my Hell would be like.
I was wandering through a complex that was nothing but singles bars. Nothing but desperate, lonely people, all hitting on each other, on me, on everything. With lousey food, bad lighting, terrible music and no where to go but to another singles bar. It was horrible. There were black leather singles bars, disco bars, outside patio bars, with all the same kind of greasy, cheap, nasty food, muzak and all that same desperation in every person's eyes.
Odd how the subconscious answers.
It seems like everything is go. I'm in a complete dither. I have a pile of things from work that I can work on at the airport and while in the air. I think that it's going to be okay.
And, as time has gone on, the windows of possibility have finally closed and the line is getting to be pretty darned straight as to what's going to happen, when, and how. Coolness. It all shakes out.
John and I had breakfast this morning at a local cafe, it was nice, simple, intimate and fun. I really, really, really enjoy the stability of my life and the love that he brings to it, and it's something that both of us still miss whenever we're apart, and only seems to make it stronger. I'm very, very glad of that.
More on today's adventures when they've actually become reality rather than hoped for probability.