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September 17, 1998
a year ago

Cloudy Days

Coolest thing is that while I was feeling awful, when I got home Tuesday night, there was a big J. Peterman's box on the front porch. Sure enough, it was The Lloyds of London suit. The British banker's suit cut and tailored for a woman with a Gatsby style blouse with a pearl cuff link for the top button. It has a vest, pants, and a long-tailed coat all in sheeny grey pinstripping, with yellow-gold stripes and heathered grey cloth. The cloth was solid, smooth and polished in the way only really good wool can be, and the lining was heavy gold and black satin that changed colors depending on the angle of visibility.

The tailoring details were just a joy, and in and of themselves helped me out of my mood simply because they were so solid. Everything was lined and solidly structured, pockets were reinforced, all the stress seams doubled. The pants have no waist band, but do have belt loops at about waist level, and the pockets are placed as if the person designing the pants knew how women's bodies were shaped differently to have the pockets in a much more useful position. The vest was built with a bust in mind, which was a mind-blower for me, as I've never had a vest that was actually built that way. The tens of tiny buttons down the front were all tightly sewn on and the button holes neatly and loose-threadlessly reinforced. I cut all the seams for all the pockets, as they'd been left sewn shut for the shipping, and found out that the hem line on the pants was nearly four inches too long.

Oops.

I studied the pants and the lining and finally decided that I had to have someone else do them. I hadn't enough courage to actually cut the fabric and no surging machine to finish the edges before hemming them under. So I was likely not going to be able to wear it for the upcoming weekend in San Jose. Oh well.

Thing is that I fell in love with the suit, with how it was constructed and how. So I think I'm going to definitely keep it, now, and wear it often. So that should be very nice. It is, certainly, from the detailing and the construction, worth pretty much every penny I paid for it as someone had to construct it that way and it's an amazingly time consuming setup to get all those details so perfectly right. The other small miracle was that everything fit to a t. Mail order is usually so hard, but the lady had talked me through so many of the options that it's just perfect. I should probably write them a note as to how well she did.

We sent them into an alteration shop yesterday morning. It should be done by Monday. Then I can take the pictures that I promised Eric and, maybe, eventually, those along with the blue hair pictures will come out of the camera and get developed and scanned and stuff.

Today and yesterday at work were grinding more things into the code. Just work.

We got home early enough yesterday, though, to get two chickens on sale at the local QFC and put 'em on a spit and then use the new BBQ's rotisserie. I basted 'em with butter, paprika, salt and pepper and let them turn. The BBQ has a special gas element at the back with a metal grill that heats red hot with the burning, so that the whole thing radiates heat at the rotating meat. So they roasted with relatively little work for about an hour and were prefectly, juicily and lovely done.

While they roasted we watched baseball and it was great to see Sammy Sosa hit. First the double, then the grand slam. Zow. It's so cool that someone that wants his team to win so much does so well. I liked the lesser fanfare going on with Sosa, I guess. Though McGuire has been pretty classy about the whole thing. Some part of me still wants Sosa to do really well, as he's really helping his team get into the playoffs.

Afterwards we took Fezzik for a walk and the funniest thing happened. He suddenly lagged badly, on the driveway, which is really, truly dark, and after we called him for a bit, I heard him stop panting, and he arrived, tail in the air with his giant bone in his mouth. He was *carrying* it in his mouth. Both ends stuck out several inches to either side, and the knobs were hanging out and shining white. He carried it for nearly the entire walk, and it is not a light object. He didn't falter, didn't stop, didn't get a new grip on it any time during the walk, finally only letting it fall when we got all the way back onto the driveway.

I didn't want to leave it in the middle of the driveway, so I picked it up. He was immediately at my side, nose touching my hand, anxious a little worried. But I just brought it into the house, set it on the washable kitchen floor and he had at it. He chewed it all night, pretty much, occassionally thumping and bumping and wrestling with it. By morning, he was still chewing on the thing but tiredly. What a funny dog. As soon as we think we know him, he goes and does something completely different and new.


Two more folks that are good for my energy are Trip and Keely, when they are having good days, too. I should remember that.

Trying to coordinate things with Jay for meeting up with him on this coming trip. Trying to figure out my heart, trying to find out why I'm down and figure out what I might do about it. Don't know if there's anything. It's a bit like cold grey fingers of depression stealing bits of my soul.

Genevieve's game helped some. Though the situation isn't any better, it's something of a diversion a problem that I can throw all my energies and attention into and Sephar does okay at figuring some things out. To even be half as smart as Sephar should be, I really have to think hard and fast and furiously. It's draining in some ways, as in it really does take a lot of energy, but the creativity seems to have its own reward.

Work is that way, too. Nice that way.

Had really weird cravings for chocolate today. So ran out, across the street, and got some. It's helped. The Makaibari first flush is just marvelous, and, as a tea, always seems to help me feel better simply from the purity of it's essence.

Got to coordinate things with Carl and his ability to clarify what can be a somewhat odd balance of things is always a help. I like his clarity of thought, it helps. I have to get everything packed tonight as I'm flying down around noon. Gonna be making up the hours in the weeks to come anyway, so I might as well take what time I can now. Problem is that all kinds of things and people are waffling all around me as to exactly what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day. Carl's nice and clear, but I'm kinda getting mushy. Sometimes chaos wears on me. I like nice clear goals and then heading right for them with everything I have.

Also writing occasionally with the author of Hiroshima Days and on the occasion get my own quiet sense of wonder. It's cool.

Oddly enough the last days have been bright and sunny as well. A rain cloud rolled through in the late afternoon today, dumping a quick deluge of rain into the Stoat and then taking off again. And, now, late in the evening, the sky is clear again and blue. What odd weather. I miss the rain. The forecast says tomorrow will be rainy, but I will miss it and the week after will be clear and sunny again.

Funny how I miss the rain.

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