The following is a transcript of the testimony given by one "Theseus" to SAT following an altercation in San Fransisco.
First, I would like to make it perfectly clear that my only role in all of this was support. I never struck a blow in any combat, and I am responsible for saving more lives through my knowledge of first aid than through combat. I allowed some property damage to occur, but that was in saving the life of an individual I am very attached to, myself.
It was an advertisement in the newspaper that caught my attention. Someone was looking for paranormals to carry out an unspecified job. It sounded suspicious, so I had to go check it out. I'm not paranormal, but I can do a pretty good imitation. So I put on a mask and assumed the name of Theseus and went to Murphy's Bar for the rendezvous.
A woman calling herself Indigo had placed the ad. It seems that her partner, one Albedo, had vanished while they were shopping and the only explanation she had was that Albedo had been kidnapped. Albedo being paranormal, she felt it best to get some other paranormals as backup. She offered a thousand dollars to each one who helped her get her friend. I could go along with that, and did.
And a peculiar lot they were, too. There was UltraBoy, with his girlfriend who walked through walls, a lady calling herself Snapdragon who I later discovered was a fast brick, some kid in a homemade Flash outfit calling himself "The Wizard of Speed", a girl from UCLA who called herself Harmony and talked incoherently fast, and a nondescript guy with a polysyllabic name who told us to call him Jason for short.
The mall was the obvious place to start looking for clues. We split up, figuring we could do more damage that way. I followed the street heading north from the mall, looking for clues in the last direction Albedo had been heading. After checking the library and city hall, I made the acquaintance of a janitor, who told me he had seen Albedo get into a van with a sunset on the side, with license plate BI plus some numbers and that she had been followed by a man dressed in black with what looked like ski goggles.
I returned to the mall to discover that the others had found evidence of paranormals. The freight elevator had dents in the steel wall as if someone had been kicking it idly, and there was a tic-tac-toe game (lost) scratched in a concrete pillar in the parking lot. The others checked the videotapes of the security cameras and discovered that some goons in powered armor had been loitering in the garage, and had talked to a kid.
About this time, we were joined by another paranormal who had spotted our lot loitering and decided to discover our business. Atom Heart, he styled himself, and appointed himself along for the ride.
Indigo did some investigating, and found that a van with the correct descripton had been pulled over for speeding heading north on Highway 5. Putting the bits together with a newspaper morgue, the suspect paranormals were tentatively identified as Doc Bioelectric and his Cyborg Commandos. Why they kidnapped Albedo was unknown, but that they had and taken her to San Fransisco was a virtual certainty.
The problem was now reduced to finding a supervillian and his aides in San Fransisco. Fortunately, we knew the Cyborg Commandos were stupid. So a personals ad was placed in the newspaper, saying "Berkeley babe looking for cyborg stud to show her a 'super' good time. Meet me in front of the library on campus at 3 p.m. Monday."
Snapdragon played the role of the "Berkeley babe" while the rest of us loitered inconspicuously around. Turned out every weirdo in powered armor in San Fransisco had read the personal, and showed up. First to crawl (well, actually leap) out of the woodwork was a guy who talked too much identifying himself as Armadillo. Snapdragon told him to prove he was man enough for her by defeating the paranormal hiding under the manhole cover (where Atom Heart had decided to lurk).
Next to show up was a snake in armor, who was told to defeat Armadillo. While that battle was occuring, a Cyborg Commando and Anklyosaur came up to the library steps simultaneously, took one look at each other and fell to combat.
Constrictor Commando, the snake in the grass, had finished off Armadillo with ease, and decided to claim his prize, Snapdragon. He took off with her, and made it halfway across the lawn, when a six foot tall woman with a blue tail appeared in front of them and asked if they had a license to use the name "Berkeley babe." While a laser bolt struck from an office window stunning Constrictor Commando simultanelously with a female voice saying "I hate snakes."
After some cleanup work, we absconded with the Cyborg Commando who proved willing to talk, provided he did get a date with Snapdragon. This being agreed to, he told us where the good Doctor was holed up.
Harmony had had to leave, but she sent a friend of hers, a hyperattenuated man calling himself "Mighty Phil." He was useful, being nearly invulnerable and throwing power blasts in our invasion, but that's getting ahead of the story.
The obvious plan was to invade in force as a distraction while Jason released Albedo. The flaw in this plan became apparent when we actually tried it.
Having UltraBoy use his X-ray vision on the house, we discovered 4 Cyborg Commandos in the living room in their armor, some others distributed randomly, and 4 off duty asleep upstairs. So we split into teams: Snapdragon and I would go in the back, Atom Heart and Wizard would take care of the off duty Commandos, and everyone else would hit the front, while Jason got Albedo from the basement.
The plan started off well, with the frontal assault team nearly destroying the front of the house and getting the Commandos attention. In UltraBoy's case, getting enough of it to knock him out. Upstairs, Atom Heart burst in through the windows and shouted freeze. Before he could react, Wizard had blurred in and knocked them all way out, accidentally demolishing one mans ribcage in the process. At the back, Snapdragon and I entered, and encountered Doc Bioelectric himself, who told Snapdragon to take me out. This was where I discovered that she acted and reacted 1 1/2 times as fast as I did. Dodging as best I could in the enclosed space, she missed twice before connecting with a punch, which I rolled with right into the wall. I managed to deflect the next shot while lying in the wall, but the next one took me out.
And downstairs, Jason had released Albedo. She promptly vaporized a hole through the house and flew up to where the front battle was raging. Her eyes looked funny, like they had been smeared out around her skull. Albedo started shooting anything that moved with a laser that could probably demolish battletank armor. Jason wisely teleported out of the basement and outside the house and started helping UltraBoy to resume conciousness. Everyone in the front except for a Cyborg Commando who was engaging in a shootout with Mighty Phil decided to attack Albedo. Not that it did much good. As soon as someone attacked, they brought themselves to her attention, and she knocked them out or made them wish they were out.
Atom Heart had come to the back bearing the dying Commando who had had his ribcage pulped in the hopes that one of us could help. Being busy, I told him to deal with Doc Bioelectric and then I'd see what I could do. He and Snapdragon dealt with Doc Bioelectric and one of his Commandos at just about the time everyone in front of the house was lying unconcious/dying from Albedo.
I had recovered consciousness at this time, so it was the three of us, plus Indigo who had managed to keep awake at the expense of having to regenerate an incredible amount of damage to her body. Atom Heart and Snapdragon went for the direct approach. Snapdragon hit her a couple of times before Albedo knocked her out, and Atom Heart lent a hand. A really stupid idea had come into my mind at this point, so I did it. I started one of the vans in the garage, intending to drive it into Albedo. I rounded the corner of the rubble that remained of the front of the house at just about the time Albedo had finished off Snapdragon and was looking for another target. I dived for the minimal cover of the next house as the van exploded. Atom Heart, sensing a good idea, had gone to get the other van. Meanwhile, I dodged frantically, as Albedo blew the living room of the house I was standing in front of into little burning pieces. Fortunately the owners were at the movies.
UltraBoy was up at this time, and he made it to one of the critically injured Commandos just in time to have him die in his arms. Blowing his cool, he went to smash Albedo, who appeared to be having a hard time of it after Atom Heart smashed the van into her at a good clip. She was still conscious, but she was breaking out into a sweat. And she was taken down, still giving off explosions despite being out.
They were decreasing in power, and she started going into cardiac arrest. Snapdragon was up by now, and she helped me give CPR, as I had trouble with Albedo's force field.
Total damage: One Cyborg Commando dead, two critically injured and stabilized by first aid, Wizard way out and bleeding to death but stopped by first aid and Atom Heart also bleeding to death and saved. One house demolished, another house partially demolished, holes in a fence across the street and the house beyond, two vans totalled into tiny bits, one crater in a driveway, and Doc Bioelectric and a number of his Commandos got away.
Jason had spotted two other men in the basement by the sensory deprivation apparatus which Albedo had been kept in. The conclusion was that one was Dr. Richardson of JumpStart who claimed he could make anyone superpowered. He must have been trying it on one who was already superpowered. The experiment appeared to be a failure in producing controlled power, but entirely too much of a success in producing uncontrolled power.