April 14, 1998

Dead Tired

Was pretty dead last night after writing all that I wanted to write and my knee hurt a lot as it was swollen because I didn't keep it high up enough during most of the day. Putting it on my desk was likely the best bet, but I hadn't so the darned thing was more painful and swollen than I wanted or liked. But it was good to get things done, especially the long entry and stuff.

Did a few letters last night, too. Wrote until John came back from the meeting and then, stone tired, I just went to bed and slept until 3:30 am, when I did the usual visit to the facilities and changing my ice pack, which was quite warm by then. The constant cold seemed to help the swelling and the joint, but when I woke up around 7am again, it was still really stiff. I almost didn't want to do a whole day at work today, as it was so tired and stiff. Felt like I'd over done it.

But after stretching exercises and getting ice on it and then getting it to work and through a meeting with my leg on the meeting table (man, I'm glad I work where I do...) and getting cool things done, I felt a lot better. Okay, the mandarin mocha from Victor's helped a lot as did clearing most of the painkillers from my brain. Turns out that the big anti-inflammatory that they'd given John was only just a lot of ibuprofen, so there shouldn't have been dilation problems with my eyes from that. And it was actually enough of a pain killer itself to make it easy to get through the day.

Seems to help a lot having a clear task to do, too.

Reading through the dreams I wrote, I am amused by the tenses, how they're lost and found again, depending on the thought or flow or feeling. Gryn wrote me a lovely letter with a beautiful quote from Satan's point of view that echo'ed my thoughts about an angel with no freedom of will, simply the aquiescence to God's true Will. And how, even dipped in the ink well of humankind's evil, he is still an angel of God's will. Seems that the bane and salvation of people is their ability to choose, to live in Heaven or Hell, to choose what they will.

Had a really interesting sequence with Daimon, the Lilim of Genevieve's game, where it's so clear that he's making his own hell. It's near the end of the entry. The Raspberry Jello's really fun, too.

Lots of cool things to do at work, and keen things to read and think about. I'll likely tackle a shower tonight so that I don't have to take all the time in the morning. Yeesh. Being clean is so much harder than I like. Last time at least in the first week I was completely standing on my own, without crutches and with a knee that could mostly support my weight. This time... hrm... then again, that was supposed to be a week after I had gotten myself together. I still had a single crutch last time for the first week and a half. So I'm likely pushing myself too much. It's good to have a journal to know what I was doing when to compare properly instead of getting angstful too quickly.

Sleep last night was deep. But the waking at 3:30 am was because I was singing in my sleep. It was a dream where a couple of folks were building an angel with me, and we were layering on melodies that combined to make harmonies. Each melody was an entity of its own, but combined with the others for something gorgeous, and I added three, Eli added three and Dominic added three, and I wish that I could have written what I heard down as notes, as the nine melodies combined into something gorgeous that made Eli laugh and become pregnant. She cared for the angel for seven days and then gave birth to the song with laughter and love and that was really keen to be a part of before waking.

© 1998 by Liralen Li.

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