February 7, 2000
Courage and Chinese Food
It really takes a certain type of courage to have a secondary relationship as one's primary. There are very few people who are capable of having that kind of situation. Geoff knows that John is my primary relationship, that John will always come first in everything I do or decide. There aren't many personalities strong enough to be in such a situation and still know that they are of great worth and value to the one they love. Both Charlie and Cera have primary relationships, so they understand and need for the secondary relationship to remain secondary, but Geoff is in a very different position and I have been very impressed with what he takes from it and what he doesn't need from it.
It's really hard to keep competitiveness out of it, to keep the territory and possessiveness that sometimes characterize romantic relationships completely clear. Mark tried, very hard, to make it work all those years ago, but I have a feeling that he sometimes succumbed to the feeling of being second-best. So I'm glad that he found someone that really could make him primary in their life.
What makes this different is that Geoff has a very clear vision of where he wants to go, what he wants to do, and how a primary relationship does not fit within that framework as well as all the reasons why a secondary relationship fits those all much better. Also, for all that he wishes to stay independent, that doesn't mean indifferent, and therein lies all the difference. He really wants me to have the stable base of my family, work, and present relations and celebrates those as things that make me happier. He was also very clear that he wouldn't have gotten involved with me if he couldn't "give me back" when things were done.
In some ways this whole relationship has really woken me up to things that I haven't really looked at for a while. It's making me look at everything in my life again, with new reason and new outlooks. What's really good about this beginning is that it really is helping me find all the everyday beauty and wonder that I do have. Just the joy of being able to hug John whenever I want to, have lunch, talk with him face-to-face on an everyday basis seems so much more valuable because I can't with Geoff. Being able to thump Fezzik whenever I come home and hug his furry bulk is really cool, especially when reflected against Geoff's chosen aspect of a mean, junkyard Dog with a soft spot for his chosen person. The silk Tiger over my mantle has new meaning against Geoff's way of seeing me. My own realizations of who and what I am and what I'm capable of are all been turned over anew and made bright by the attention and thought.
I guess this is why I will probably always fall in love, even as I grow old and there is so much more to turn over, so much more to evaluate. Sometimes I think the reason it is so much more easy for young folks to fall in love is that they have so much less experience, memory, and bad habits to overturn, evaluate, and match up with to their new love. Not that I'm 'old' by any sense, but I certainly feel a good measure older than when I got involved with Mark and am finally of the opinion that I'm probably better off for having tried that first.
Geoff was suitably contrite about Friday and apologized nicely. I also apologized for not giving him any direct communication about what was going on with my physical condition. What is really great about all that is I think that after the apologies were accepted and acknowledged that they really do stand for a learning attempt for the future. I think I will be better about telling him when I am in sad shape, and he will realize, more often, that it is a possibility and not take it as something he did wrong.
The day at work wasn't as bad as I had feared it would be. I managed to finish a few small jobs, that really made me feel better. I also did some extensive research on a problem that looks to be harder than we can fix in the time we have. It is always good to be able to find the cause of problems. Finally I found an annoying problem that should be easy to fix.
The entire group went out to lunch because we just hired a new member of the group, and he was Chinese. It turns out there is a Chinese restaurant that a Chinese person actually recommended to Bob the last time he came to visit, the whole group of us wanted to try the food there. So the whole gang of us went to China Gourmet, asked for the Chinese menu, and then ordered a good dozen dishes. Sadly, John couldn't come with us because he had a dentist appointment, and it took two months to get it so he couldn't move it easily. The food was really good, not quite at the level of the best restaurants I've ever eaten at, but good enough to be comfort food for me and good enough that I really enjoyed everything we had. The spicy things were spicy, the sour things were sour, and the entire meal was very enjoyable. Everyone liked it, too, so I think that the whole group will be going here more often. Especially when Bob visits. It certainly is significantly closer than Denver.
I felt pretty good about the day, but it wasn't until 7 that John was able to come home. So I was fairly tired by the time we got home. I wasn't up to cooking, and we both wanted to ride the bicycle, so John thought up the plan. I rode first, and when I got off the bicycle he called the local delivery pizza place and bought hot chicken wings and a small pizza. Delivery didn't happen until John almost finished riding his bike ride, so the timing was nearly perfect.
Between mental and physical exertion sleep was easy.
Brought to you by Dragon System's Point & Speak.