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February 29, 2000

Unafraid

So I wrote everything I'd been thinking last night down. There are reasons married folks have the rule of never go to sleep angry that just can't work long distance. Tiring, that... and first thing in the morning when I got to work, I sent it off and then reeled into a 9 a.m. meeting. Oof.

The meeting went well, looks like everyone got what they could in and where it was supposed to be and the boundaries were good. I'd even brought beef stew from the weekend, so I didn't have to scrounge for lunch, and when I got back to my desk from the meeting, I got on-line and talked with Geoff, who had gotten my mail.

I have promised that I would always talk things through with him, and I'm now really glad that I did. I found out what was going on with him, all of the distressing details and figured out why he's snapped when and how he did and what pressure points to avoid in the future or to simply not press when he's under pressure. Maybe he'll also learn that it's better to tell me if he is under pressure *before* we get into trouble, rather than after. He apologized. Totally, without excuses. And that, alone, reassured me more than just about anything else he could have done. He even went on to ask intelligent questions about my own behaviour and the stupid defences that I used when the fight got started, some of which were excellent things to bring to consciousness. Maybe I will get them under control too, and I apologized for my part.

The best part about it all is that I really am unafraid to tell him exactly what I feel and what I think and I do have real faith that he will stick to it and work things through with me. The simple fact that he *did* this and did work it out with me this time and all the previous times with the smaller problems helps. The thing is that we are now both aware that neither of us likes or particularly wants to perpetuate some kind of 'fight, make up, be much more friendly because we're reconciled, get bored or stressed and fight again' kind of cycle. I'm going to be extra careful of that from now on.

Turns out, it's Mercury Retrograde, not that I specifically believe in that stuff, but I've been bitten during that enough times in communication with other people things that I usually keep a wary eye out for it.

So.

Anyway. A huge, quiet sigh of relief.

Well, it is Leap Day, things are supposed to be topsy turvy, no?

I did manage to get Mom and Dad's translation into the mail to Geoff during all this. The afternoon was so unbusy after the franticness of yesterday that I got bored and went onto www.drustore.com and found normal, unwaxed detail floss by Johnson and Johnson under the name Reach. John and I mostly use exactly that, but none of the local stores actually carries it. So, yes, I was so bored, I bought dental floss on the Web. Five spools of it.

Yeesh.

This evening was a tremendous contrast to yesterday. Peaceful, quiet, easier. John biked while I made tuna cassarole and we ate happily and I then had the tremendous fun of making Orvilreddenbocker's Caramel Corn. Popped corn, then stuck a caramel slab in the bag, melted that on and then shook the bag like crazy. Poured it all out onto a greased cookie sheet and wah-lah, instant, crunchy, munchy goodness.

TV and pop corn and noticing that Fezzik's eye hasn't affected his catching abilities or inabilities at all. That was very fun.

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