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February 23, 1999
a year ago

Lost and Found

Yay! I lost the bid on the clear Pelikan. I'm starting to get real ebay burnout, which isn't unusual, from what I've seen. It's just too much stuff to deal with, and there are moments when I'd really like to just sit back, order something, and have it come without any uncertainty. So we'll see how things go.

Decided that I may as well go back to the very reliable Pendemonium and buy a Pelikan from them. They have an absolutely excellent price of $200 on the M600's, which have the gold nibs with two-tone metal and all the graces of the Pelikan line without the prices of the M1000. Kathy, however, did break the $200 limit on pens in the family before I did, with an ebay auction win on a really cool pen. So she won that one, though I did TRY to buy the first pen with a three digit price, I never really did get it. I thought I'd at least sleep on it before doing it, though.

The day, however, was lost in meetings again, and while it's good, very good, to get real product definition, it's a real, solid pain hammering them out. Which might be a good thing, as I'm going to value the spec that much more for all the work that went into it. Still, it's a pain in the ass while doing it.

Once again, we didn't get out of the office until after 7, and got home, made dinner, ate it and then we hit the downslope of the rollercoaster.

It was frightening to turn one page on the calendar in order to see the dates that we are moving on. Less than a month, now. The dates where the mover has to get here, the date that we close on the other house, the date that we're going to have to be *in* Boulder with Fezzik and all our Stuff. This is blood chilling stuff. Last parties, last gatherings, last times. It even looks like the last deaconing I did will be my last, as the dates we're moving are right on top of my next scheduled speaking. Not a terrible thing, as I am slowly starting to hate doing it.

So we planned.

And then I realized that Buffy had started. I got it on as quickly as possible, but missed some beginning bits. Luckily, I got enough of it to get the gist of some of the changes, and caught pretty much all of the story. It was great. The Evil Willow episode. Very cool.

More TV, packed a package that's getting mailed tomorrow.

Had an odd and interesting discussion and thought set today with John. He'd not done something today that he knew I'd hoped and expected that he'd do, and he was pretty sorry about it. But the phrase that caught my attention was, "I feel like I'm the biggest source of disappointment in your life." The odd thing was that my brain kind of accepted that as true but with the caveat that he was also the biggest source of happiness and fulfilment in my life, too. It was interesting to realize that how I took it was with an 'of course', because John's probably the biggest influence on my life, period. Good and bad, he has the most time with me, the most interaction with me and the most experience with me.

Maybe that's just how I feel marriages are supposed to be. And someone that goes into a marriage expecting only the good stuff will always be disappointed.

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