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January 4, 2002
a year ago
two years ago
four years ago

Bye-Bye, Explorations, and Unexpected Weight Loss

10:37 pm: When John and I left Jet at Joan's this morning, he actually waved bye-bye to us and said, "Bu-buh-baa." Haley was waving and saying stuff, too, but Jet really was bouncing and smiling at us and holding one hand up and opening and closing it in our general direction.

Up until now I have really tried to avoid thinking that the mu-ma-mum-mum sounds actually might mean "Mama" or that the "Du-daa-daa" sounds actually mean Daddy; but with the coordination of both the sound and the motion, I'm starting to have to believe. Jet's getting that words of a certain sort mean things and actions. He looked pretty content, too, as we were leaving. He knew what was going to happen. That amazed me.

He had a great time there, as usual. He came home and nursed and went to sleep for his nap, and stayed asleep for a good hour and a half. John and I got more work done. John made a pizza lunch. I got to write Kathy another letter and get a bunch of stuff done. When Jet woke up I fed him solids and had fun setting up the video camera and just left it on the table while we worked through feeding Jet a whole jar of food between crackers, dropping the wash cloth on the floor, and other things.

I brought Jet upstairs after changing him and we played in the play pen, and then I worked in the play pen while Jet played with the aquarium that John brought. We kind of want Jet to get used to it and actually be soothed by it instead of vastly interested in it to the point of waking up more to pry and peer at it. He played for a while, but got restless with the confined space. So we got the second gate, set it up at the top of the stairs, and let him run around upstairs.

Jet had a great time. He could explore the bathroom, hang over the edge of the tub and bang in it while vocalizing loudly in the neat echo of the bathroom. He crawled into his room, played with all the stuffed animals there, left my bookshelves alone, still, and peered up at the crib while he was there. He patted the bouncing ball and then tried to stand up using it for support. Eventually he came back into the office, negotiated the open-ended play pen and climbed up my chair and leg.

I picked him up and he chortled, and then flung himself backwards and made the uh-uh-uh, "I wanna nurse" sounds and contentedly ate while I read work email. When he was done he was cheerful and wanted to play, so John took him into the basement to play while John rode the exercise bike. So I got everything done I needed to get done for the week. That was nice.

By the time I got back downstairs John had gotten Jet asleep again, for another short nap. So I made dinner. It was just spaghetti with browned ground beef in bottled sauce. I did take care with the garlic bread, though, we had an artisan loaf that I'd sliced and frozen. I took butter, mashed in garlic and grated parmesan and spread that on the frozen slices. It's easy when the bread's that hard. Then I broiled that until it was crisp and brown and the cheese was melted and yummy. So it was just spaghetti and bread, but it was good.

Jet woke up right when dinner was done, and I nursed him for just fifteen minutes while John finished his dinner. Then John fed Jet solids and when Jet was done with all that, he started just roaming about as I made chocolate chip cookies out of Cookwise. I really love her chocolate chip cookie recipe, which is really four recipes in one, with variants across the board. The variations are lined up under the expected result, and the next page has an ingredient by ingredient list of what things do what effects on the cookies.

So I could pick and choose what I wanted to do. Shirley's favorite was actually an in-betweener, so I felt pretty free to do something in between as well. I mixed elements from all four recipes, using some things I wanted to use. I'm used to the half butter and half shortening as well as the half white and half dark brown sugar of the old Toll House recipe, and I did want the moisture that the brown sugar, the in-between texture that the mixture of fats would give for spread and softness after they were baked. I wanted the egg for body and just baking soda so they wouldn't be too puffy. I like chewy cookies that stay that way after they've cooled.

I did chop pecans and I used six ounces of the Bernard C. bittersweet chips. The recipe only made two and a half pans, which is plenty for the two of us. The warmth of the oven also helped warm the house, which was very nice, and the upstairs rooms collected the heat nicely. Jet's room is now good and warm for the night.

I had good dreams last night, so I think things have resolved, emotionally, for me with the whole conversation with Kathy. It was hard on both of us. I am glad it worked through, though. Every since Kelly pointed me at Ernest Hartmann's book Dreams and Nightmares: The New Theory on the Origin and Meaning of Dreams, I've watched my dreams more for a better awareness of my emotional states. I often ignore emotions, especially bad ones, and it's good to know that I have a release valve and/or warning flag if there's too much stuff.

I kind of think that my teeth might have been from stress. They're better now. I am still glad I'm seeing the dentist on Monday, but I no longer feel like I'm going to ask him to just drill, damnit, anymore. That's very good.

One really surprising thing is that I weighed myself this morning, saw that I'd lost five pounds, rechecked the zeroing on the scale, and, sure enough, it was okay. I can't believe I lost five pounds over the holidays. Maybe it was the teeth, or my worry about my teeth that kept me from snacking too much. Maybe it's moving to seltzers instead of sodas, or maybe it was the cross-country skiing and using the exercise bike so that I could sleep at night. Or maybe it's just because Jet's gotten more greedy about nursing, and he's stealing enough calories for me to lose weight. Whatever it is, I guess I should just keep it up and if I get another five pounds down, I'll be ecstatic instead of just happy at the present weight. All that without a new year's resolution! Pretty keen.

What's even cooler is that Joan's invited me to join her on Wednesday nights for a deep water aerobics class, it'll be good for my knee, good to get in shape, and with someone else going with me, both of us will be less likely to blow it off. I know that I'd just want to stay home and veg if I didn't have her coming to pick me up to go together. So it's motivation and opportunity all in one. The recreation center that has all this stuff also has a weight room and is only ten minutes away from us, across I-25. So it should be easy. John is encouraging me to try it. I'm scared to death of deep water, but I think I'll try it.

In some ways it's the same kind of fear I had before cross-country skiing at the end of the year. It's scary. I acknowledge that it's scary. I will probably do it anyway, and the reality of doing it will be satisfaction that I did it and knowledge, in concrete, that the fear didn't stop me again! Yay!

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