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January 15, 2002
a year ago
two years ago
three years ago

Bad Scare and Unequal Opportunities

9:15 pm: I had a pretty bad scare last night, when I flossed my teeth and pulled a bit of plastic out from the gap between the two newly filled teeth. It was clear, though, and I thought there might have been something stuck in there, but when I put the floss in there again and the second time it caught and felt like it was pulling at one of my fillings, I got really scared.

I was mad, too. I think it was because I let myself get hopeful about the fillings, and that Dr. Davis had done it 'right' this time, and I was surprised and upset to find that something was wrong with the fillings. Normally, I think I would have worked myself into an upset. I was tired, though, and John hadn't had nearly enough sleep the last two nights. So, instead, I said it was just something he'd overseen, and we'd take care of it in the morning. It ached a little, but didn't really hurt badly, and with the tooth guard in place it was protected. There wasn't anything I could do, anyway, and it seemed wrong to stay awake for no good reason.

So I concentrated on remembering my massage. For some reason replaying the memory of a physical thing I do that's relaxing really works in getting me to go to sleep. When I was spinning, I'd recall, clearly, the sensation and vision of a thread forming from the handful of fibers and I'd just concentrate on that and by doing that I'd go to sleep. I took a Motrin and then I really concentrated and I went to sleep.

Jet woke up twice, and I got up and nursed him and put him back to sleep each time and he finished up waking up at 8. It was a good, long sleep for John, and I didn't do badly, either. Jet slept a total of nine hours, and since I'd gone to sleep an hour after he did, I got eight. Not a bad deal.

He actually got up ten minutes 'til eight, and I woke up and left a message at Dr. Davis' since they weren't open yet. I then showered, and when I came out they hadn't called back, yet, so I called them again and the receptionist gave me to Dr. Davis and he scheduled me for 9:10, which gave me enough time to eat breakfast and get to their office, easily and made it really easy to schedule things with Joan and John. It worked out beautifully.

I drove right in and was five minutes early this time, so I got to wait a little while before they brought me back. Dr. Davis was really good about asking me what was going on and then he went in and cleaned things up with a drill and some smoothing agent. There was a spur, and all it needed was a little smoothing. The gap was also smaller than it was before, he'd made it that way to stop food from getting stuck in there, so there was a good reason for the floss to stick a little more between the teeth. He not only tested it, himself, after he had smoothed it, but had me floss as well, to be sure that I wasn't doing it at a different angle.

It turned out that I was pulling it at a different angle, but once he saw what I was doing and reminded me of the smaller gap it was a lot easier to do it where it didn't hang up or hurt. So he fixed it. He was also very pleased to hear that the bottom teeth were feeling better as well, was pretty glad that he had fixed the bite by replacing the other filling and making it so that everything was better.

It was pretty clear that it was better, too. Even after a tense night and eating shredded wheat for breakfast none of my teeth ached as badly as they had. When they were doing the smoothing, they'd blown air in the gap, and this time it didn't hurt at all. During the examination, when they'd done it, it had hurt and made me jump. So it was even more proof that things were better.

And it was all done in ten minutes. Yay!

I zoomed home and even made the tail end of my meeting. That was useful. I got a good hour's work in and then picked Jet up. He went to sleep after eating, so I got another hour in that way, and had enough time to reheat some leftovers to eat over my keyboard. It was good to get back into the swing of things. It was good to just have the worry of my teeth lighten.

While I was working, there was a honking out in the driveway. I went out there, and it was the mailman with a huge box. It turned out to be a box from Harry and David's, it was the first of the fruit of the month club deliveries from Carl. The clementines weren't good enough for their standards, so they sent the fruit basket that had oranges, apples, pears, and their big grapefruit. The basket was beautiful and the fruit very tempting.

When Jet woke up, I fed him solids and we then tackled one of the apples. He was really happy when I gave him a quarter of the apple to chew on while I ate the other three. He held it, very happily, in both hands and munched away at the ends of it. Jet's four small teeth did a really good job on the apple quarter, piercing the skin as well as the white, crisp flesh. He really enjoyed having his own piece to chew on. When he was half through with it, he held it out to me and grinned really big when I took a small bite out of it. We shared the last of it as he was pretty obviously full, and he seemed to enjoy sharing it.

After I'd cleaned him up, cleaned the chair up, took the bib off, and did all the things after he had eaten, I lotioned his hands and cheeks after lotioning my hands. When I was rubbing his cheeks, he reached up and grabbed my fingers and started to get my hands to clap. He started doing it with a rhythm and I started singing Patty Cake to the beat. He was fascinated by that, and then, when I started chanting "One Two - buckle my shoe. Three Four-.." Jet started to vary the beat, and I varied the rhyme with how fast or slow he clapped my hands. He tried all different speeds and varying them in various ways and he loved how I kept up or slowed down with him. I think we did that for a good fifteen to twenty minutes and he studied it all very carefully.

That was fun. The afternoon was on and off work and playing with Jet. I had a meeting from 3-4 and I just gave up trying to do anything on the computer and just played with Jet while listening and participating in the meeting as best I could. I had more fun not trying to do too many things at the same time.

John got home at 4:30, but had to run off to the post office. I nursed Jet and while he napped a little, he woke up when John came home to play with him. The two of them went down into the basement so that John could ride the exercise bike. I worked for a while longer, and felt much better actually having my brain. I had started the chicken roasting at 4, so I worked while it roasted cheerfully away.

I was glad that it was pretty much work free. When John and Jet came up, the alarm went off, and I made gravy and instant potatoes. John made spinach salad, and we ate. It was very good and very quick, and Jet had fun chewing on a drumstick, again. He also had plenty of solids.

Jet had only had the one hour-long nap. So he was pretty punch drunk by the time we were done with dinner. We decided to give him a bath, and he really got into it. He got good and clean and then he started splashing, just like he had in the pool. He was bouncing and splashing and it didn't bother him at all that there was all this water hitting his face, and I got really good and wet, too. Whee...

He was really active after his bath, eventhough he was really tired. He was cheerfully exhausted, and was crawling and walking and falling down and laughing when he fell down. He didn't hurt himself, though I finally gathered him up for his last feeding a little earlier than usual. He fell right asleep, and John put him to sleep really easily afterwards. We got a little time. I got to write. John cleaned up the kitchen.

On the way back from the post office, John found out that the Swanky Frank's Jr. is closed Sunday and Monday nights. They're open every day from 6-2, but they limit their evenings a bit. So we can probably have breakfast there some morning, easy. John brought a menu home, so that I could really study it before going. I'm the kind of person that actually likes knowing what they're going to order before they get there.

One rather funny thing happened when I went to pick Jet up from Joan's. We got talking, somehow, about John's and my relationship, when it got started and how and all that, and Joan said that she thought it was really neat that John and I had so much in common and not just work, but liking the outdoors, cross-country skiing, and soccer. It was really neat to see two people who were so compatible with each other when some marriage seem to be made of people that were so different. I just grinned and said that I really liked having the relationship I did with John.

I didn't say that all the things she named were mostly things that I picked up after I met John, and they were all things that John liked and I'd picked up from him. I was really thinking, recently, about relationships. I mean... relationships are nearly never 'fair', when 'fair' means that whatever you do is returned to you, exactly. Especially when one tries, really hard at something and hopes, really hard, that the other person will do it back for you. And it's not a bad thing. Relationships can't be fair that way, because the two people in the relationship are different. They have different needs, different hopes, and different capabilities, so, very rarely can people do exactly the same thing for each other. One person can do and wants to do certain things, but the other can and wants to do others. Where it really works out well is when those things mesh into something that's bigger than either could have ever done on their own simple doubled.

It might seem unfair that I picked up all the active hobbies that John had so that we shared them. But it really isn't. I got to learn those activities and I got to derive great enjoyment from them and from the learning. I discovered a lot about my capabilities and realized potential I had never known I'd had by going to the effort and figuring out what I could bring to them, and I found out that I really loved doing them with John. Those more than made up for the effort of learning something new. Besides, I'm good at learning and for all my being scared, I still know, logically, that I am very good at picking up things that are not only new to me, but different than I was.

I used to think that my changing and adapting to other people's desires or needs was a weakness. I'm not so sure anymore. It may well just be one of the things that I am and am capable of doing. It's now something that I have under more conscious control than before. I won't get sucked dry again, but I am finding it a real asset in this steadily changing job of taking care of Jet. So it is a power that can be used for good . I have to remember that.

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Copyright 2002 Liralen Li. All Rights Reserved.