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July 28, 2000
a year ago
two years ago
three years ago

Obsession

Kathy pointed me at this ebay item, yesterday, and I've been completely obsessed since. Just going mildly wild with the idea of actually being able to win it and also mildly wild at the thought of losing it. Especially to someone calling themselves the angel.islington. That just seems so wrong.

I even fowarded the item to a few mailing lists I'm on, which I know are filled with rich professional techies like me that might also be completely obsessed over Gaiman's work. Which may or may not have been a mistake. Talked with Carl about it extensively and even offered to go halvsies with him on it, but all the purposes he might have for it are things that he'd need the whole coat for.

It was really fun to talk with him about it, but Carl is nearly always fun to talk about obsessions with.

I also talked with John about it extensively before bidding on it, as, well, honestly, it's his money, too. And he understood that it was simply something very important to me, and he could relate to it on that level. I don't know if he understands why, but then again, I don't know if I really understand why it means so much to me. It's eating my thoughts, my brain, and my dreams. I dreamed about it, last night.

It's insane, the amount of money I'm thinking of spending on this thing, completely insane for the fact that it's just a leather jacket. The mundane item, alone, is clearly not worth the money I'm paying. Not even the additional fact that it's all for a really good cause, the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, which defends freedom of speech in comic books, really makes up for the difference between material worth and what it's worth in my mind. It's nearly scary what a difference there is between those two values. I don't really know why and it bothers me.

But today I bid my max, and it'll either stand or fall. It was surprising after a day or so of complete butterflies in my stomach, to suddenly come across utter calm. I'd done what I could do and that was actually enough. Of course, about five minutes after I'd bid, folks had already forced it up to the max I'd set, so I knew I was going to lose it. Still, knowing that I'd done what I could was good enough, it seems, for my emotions. Made me very content.

So, for a brief, shining moment, I was on top of the auction for the jacket, and it's actually okay that I'm not anymore.

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