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July 22, 1999
a year ago
two years ago

One Off Error

Started today thinking it as Friday, and when I asked John if he'd gotten the garbage out, he said, "It's not garbage day." I blinked and asked if it was Friday and he laughed, "No, it's Thursday and we're driving separately."

The gas guy was coming at 11 a.m. and John was going to work at home while he was here, so we both drove ourselves to work so that he could get home early and I could get myself home. I thought about just riding my bike home, but couldn't get the motivation up to really commit to that, plus it was supposed to be raining in the afternoon. I just didn't really want to deal, so I didn't.

I putzed about the house in the morning, after John was gone, and made myself some pi lo chun, a very flavorful green tea, before going to work. Ate some yogurt and felt better for the protein.

Jim and Victoria were doing the next steps. Bob had sent me a new app to test and build with and I had a few things that I had to do, but not nearly as much now that the dam had broken on the problem. So I slacked. I think part of it was suddenly finding out that I had this extra day that I really hadn't planned for and then having to deal with it. I wrote some journal stuff, wrote some web page stuff supporting things, then built a lot of things and tried a few things and busted stuff badly and then got really confused as to what I busted.

Cera got on-line when I was most bemused, and she managed to stablize me a little. So I ran off to Target to buy a few things. Managed to find three silk boxers that I liked a lot, some bath and shower gel that had bergmont and raspberry scent, and some toothpaste. The bath scents were ones that I'd always had good luck with in doing anti-stress, citrus always seems to affect me positively. So I felt better for having done that.

I then went off to Good Times, got myself their spicy chicken sandwich and went back to the office with it. Munched it at my desk and actually was able to just eat without interruption. That was very good after yesterday.

Puttered through more stuff in the afternoon, though I was watching the clock. Cera was good conversation, though, and enjoyable and relaxing to be around. That was nice.

It's funny, but sometimes I think that she's where I was when I first really started figuring out my own internal structure and problems and started to really work on getting better and figured out that treating other people better also helped with treating myself better and all the healing I did for others helped my own healing process. It overflowed onto everyone around me and helped many of them figure out their own stability and connections and even their lives in some ways. Just talking through with them the same things I was talking through with myself, and it was all new, all intriguing, and all somewhat confusing, but all fascinating enough to really pursue. Especially new folks and new problems and new ways of empathy and understanding.

Callahans, the early version, was some of where I spent my energies and then onto other folks that I wrote with privately and finally on into the story group I formed on alt.cyberpunk.chatsubo. There was whole lot of energy, but I eventually burned out when I met someone that I couldn't 'satisfy' or do the things that they needed to fulfill their needs and life. I just couldn't rip apart my life for theirs, I finally found my limit to what I could do to 'help'; but in doing so, I beat myself up to ribbons over it and got cynical and less hopeful than I used to be.


Ever but.

Knowing the limits of what one will do for another has been a very important lesson for me to learn, and it's one that Cera has already under her belt, so it's fun and very cool to see her grow and flex her abilities and gain joy from it.

Home again, home again jigadejig...

John was home, waiting and working. So I got home, we made the list of Things We Need, and then went south on I-25 to find it. I remembered a little Italian restaurant across the street from the Outback and we went there. I was shaking a bit from being hungry and was glad that we saw the drive-thru on the way in so I knew what to expect. Just an ordering counter, really fast food that was okay in quality, not expensive and not fancy. We had dinner for less than $10 and I was really satisfied with my really simple spaghetti and meatballs. Yummy and very simply filling. Got the shakes to stop so that we could move on to the more serious job of shopping.

The list was most of a 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper. Two columns with attendant dependencies. Meat for about 30 folks, and backup drinks for everyone. Lemonade and ice tea are usually good defaults, maybe even an iced herbal tea for those watching their caffiene. No one said that they were vegetarian, and we asked, so we could plan on hot dogs, hamburgers, roast chicken, and ribs. I agonized a lot over the ribs, how to cook them, what to cook them in, how long to cook them, what, even, to cook. We ended up with a shopping cart full of little plastic bags and then got home and unpacked them all. I wrote a little, spilled half my bottle of brown ink while trying to fill the transparent ink well, but it was nice to have the brown again and not just black.

Then went to sleep and dreamed through half a dozen ways to cook ribs and which ones we really wanted to use for the beef ribs. We got about eight pounds of beef ribs. When John was in high school he worked for a place that did ribs and he has vague recollections of how they did 'em, so we'll go by those and see what there is to see. I also had ten thousand different ideas as to BBQ sauces, including a green chili based one. A recipe that, if it works, will be something I'll probably have to bring to the Balloon Fiesta.

Mmmm... ribs...

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