June 8, 1999
Wandered through some of the old entries today while looking up the date of the accident that popped my knee. It's been more than a year, and more than a year since I had the surgury. It's been a while. I still haven't played any soccer, though I still get some of that really-in-my-body feeling from riding the bikes, it's very different than the straight competition.
Really feeling overwhelmed today. The main problem being that I have all the stuff to do with the present flow of development and I'm being asked by my boss' boss to do a fix for another product line altogether, so I'm feeling kinda caught between a rock and a hard place. Given the schedule and knowing what's involved, I am really feeling like there's just way too much for me to do and way too much being asked in addition. For all that the planning process looked like it would be good for focus I'm being given conflicting indications from various levels and *that* really bugs me.
I spent the day really fucked up in a lot of ways.
Both of us tried to go to the fertility clinic to pass over medical records and fill in forms and all the preliminary stuff we needed to do before we could actually schedule an appointment. The problem was that the entire staff was out for lunch, so there was no one to even hand things off to much less do everything else. So that sucked, rather.
Maybe some of it is because I a) didn't eat breakfast but for a mocha with two shots of John-strength espresso b) only had a PB&J sandwich for lunch and then went crazy with the code, trying to fix the problems some other group was running into. Their design environment is different enough from ours, too, that I can't test my changes. This *really* sucks. So I can't even really know if what I did was right or not.
At one point, with all the branching and confusion over which development environment had what, I just deleted the whole working directory, thinking that I'd saved all the changes that I'd already done. I hadn't, of course, and had to recreate one file. Luckily, it's much faster when I know what it is that I'm doing.
In the midst of all this, the pressure got to me enough that some other part ran off to ebay and bid on an item that had the same body style and cap style of something that we really wanted and only after the confirmation came back from ebay did I figure out that it was a ballpoint pen, not a fountain pen. I debated wildly and finally figured out that the brave thing and the only real thing that I could do that would be true to myself was to retract the damned bid. It was, luckly, a Dutch auction, with two items and no one had bid on the second one other than I, and there's another three days before the auction actually ends. I think that the retraction shouldn't hurt anyone, but I really don't know. I've bid on dozens of auctions already and won four so far, and did just fine on all of them; but I really, really, really hate my first real mistake.
I finally decided that eating the pen and the $25 bid was just too much for me to really want to do it and feel good about myself. Admiting mistakes, though is so damned much harder.
Especially stupid mistakes. Makes me just want to bang my head against a wall.
Finally, when I tried to send the fix to the guy that had the setup to test it, my email and the file bounced. Poing. That just made me snap. That was when I went over to John's cubicle and said, "That's it. The day is now Over."
Another thing that I really *could* do is make all the same changes in the present line of code development and then test it with the newest stuff that I have. I might do that tomorrow.
After such a nasty day, I figured that I'd better do something that made things better. So we made the appointment for Fezzik, to be sure that he got looked at and thoroughly checked out for the bumps and joints. He's having more problems getting up, so we really have to figure that one out. We also went and had pizza at Abo's for dinner, which made me feel better, even if the situation wasn't all that much better.
Then we went shopping. The moth problem has some real solutions, the hardest thing has been actually catching them. The Death Lamp has too small a mesh, and most of the things we've been doing to try and get them to go out of the house or garage has gotten them out, but they come back the next day. So the real thing to do is probably catch 'em. So we just got multiple fly paper strips, thinking that they'd do the trick for catching them in the basement, garage, and out on the area of the porch where the chairs are hanging. Clean them out. We wandered through three different stores in Longmont to find everything, but ended up getting pretty much everything from the General store in Longmont.
The other thing we bought was a wading pool for Fezzik. Today was in the 80's, really, really hot, so we really thought there should be some relief for Fezzik during the day. Found a little six foot wading pool that wasn't an inflatable kind of thing, and thought that would be perfect. It's large enough for him to lie in and small enough that it won't take that much water.
When we got home, we set up the strips and then I played Parasite Eve. The whole section through the museum through to the battle against Eve on the Statue of Liberty. That was really fun and pretty darned intense. Though the triceretops in the museum nearly killed me more times than Eve herself did. That was kinda funny. It wasn't that good for my hands, but it felt very good and got my brain completely off the events and the problems of the day. That's what I really needed, time off for my brain. Not much to think about with the game other than visual tactics.
After the sections I wanted to do, John and I checked the fly paper strips and they're working beautifully. I think that in a while we should be rid of the worst of these things. Wheither or not they move on may be moot. I also ran around with a vacuum cleaner and cleaned out all the deposits of moth husks at all the window sills. This was a needful thing. I may have to go around and wipe up all the dust in all the corners with a sponge, too, because some of it isn't coming up with the vacuum.
Dreamed about something similar all night. It's kinda a mishmash, now, though. Part of me expected that. Part of me is amused that my dreams can be predicted by what floods my brain just before going to sleep