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October 3, 2000
three years ago

Scallion Pancakes and Vivid Dreams

All afternoon I was craving green onion Chinese pancakes. I've been really wanting donuts, too, for weeks, but haven't given in, yet. I probably will soon. But, tonight, I made scallion pancakes. Just used the food processor for the hot water dough, then layered green onion bits, canola oil, and a very, very light sprinkling of salt. They could have used a bit more salt, but I was afraid of salt as the 'feeling' was back. So I didn't add too much salt. Two cups of flour made three pancakes, and I cooked them in a skillet while heating Campbell's Healthy Choice tomato soup.

They turned out good. Tender, flaky with the layering, savory with the green onions and crisp around the edges. Really good against the possible cold with the soup. Hot and yummy and good.

Lunch was a bit of the lamb shank and risotto with some frozen peas and carrots I'd added for vegetable matter. I still have to deal with half a pound of chantrelles I bought from Whole Foods, someday, just not today.

I did not have the focus to work, but work I did, some. Early morning meeting was just grumpy-making, and there is still a little uncertainty as to what I'm going to do for the next couple weeks as I don't know if the central control committee for fighting entropy will allow my fixes into the gradually closing build. I only found out fairly late in the day that, yes, they are allowed.

That was useful, but I was still mostly unmotivated and craving scallion pancakes.

I'm also reading The Baby Book by both Martha and William Sears. It's a very interesting book with lots of interesting ways to approach baby rearing that is very, very different from what I remember when I was raised, but also fairly intuitive in interesting ways. There are places where I think they go a bit too far (I am absolutely not going to breastfeed for nine months, period), but I also, pretty clearly understand, from how they present the information, that it's 'too far for me'. I can apply or use what I want and toss the rest and not worry about it, tailor it to what I can do, not try and do something impossible for me. Nothing authoritarian about the book and lots of interesting choices, reasons, and, most important, *whys* about how raising a baby can be approached. What was also interesting was to actually see data they'd done from William's own client base to back up some of their claims. That I liked a lot.

I read until a little too late, and took a while to get to sleep.

I seem to be dreaming very vivid dreams every night, again. Maybe the baby is producing more melatonin, they say the young make more of it than the old, and it's seeping into my bloodstream at night. They don't really make much sense, races to deliver, grading qualities of breastmilk, etc. Just odd, vivid hodgepodges. One made sense a few days back, with myself as some warrior woman charged with a few dozen kids, and they've all run into a cavern and I'm teaching them all how to hide, using hide and seek. Hide hide hide. They get better as she's the seeker, and I knew that the reason was that the village was being menaced by vampire/zombie/Chinese guai (nasty, undead, white, howling, and perpetuating, i.e. they'd turn the living into something like them by eating their lives) and the kids *had* to hide and hide well in the cool, safe depths of the rocks to be safe. I remembered the smooth, narrow warmth of their backs as I tagged 'em found, and they giggled and went to hide better and better.

There was a flashback of a young princess on a snow mobile, reckless and young, charging across a field of half-rotted ice over what were known to be caverns that dropped deep into the earth. She makes it half across the field and a ragged, female guai pops up, howling and flying after the princess. She heads back towards me and the howling is disorienting, makes one panic, do the wrong thing, and the only way to counteract it is to chant, chant, chant, what it is that one is really going to do. To keep it at the front of one's brain and if you lose the thread, you lose your way. And I was screaming at the princess the instructions back to me, over and over, and I could see her lips moving and she veered towards me, a horrible howl and the princess was veering back towards the monster. I kept up my end of the chant and she picked it up again, shaking and white, and made it back and the two of us ran as the monster howled at the edge of the rotten ice.

Vivid.

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