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August 2, 2000
a year ago
two years ago

Opening Up

Oddly happy all day.

It's kinda weird, but even breathing, today, has given me wonder. Been depressed for the previous weeks and am suddenly kicked out of that.

Realized linking depression to not writing this journal is a bit of a chicken and egg process. I don't know if I stop writing because I'm depressed or if I'm depressed because I stopped writing. All I know is that I got too busy and too caught up and soon was too caught up in everything that was painful, bad, or uncomfortable rather than looking, specifically, for something that was good with each day.

Ugh.

I don't like that.

A good day with Geoff mostly off-line. We exchanged just three emails that didn't have anything to do with any of the other emails, but just fun stuff, impressions of the day and my evening yesterday. He gave me a really nice view of a neighborhood right next to him, and his walk home yesterday evening. I enjoyed that a lot. Words seem so important to me, and images of other places I've never seen.

I'm gradually getting more aware of the fact that the pregnancy is making me feel mundane. Everyday. Normal. Which might have been the root of my depression. Geoff did remind me, very well, that magic is in how one looks at the everyday, not something that'll come looking for me. The coyotes were good about reminding me last night, too. I think it's why I'm so obsessed with Gaiman's jacket as well. A piece of magic, of dreams, and icon for a lot of comicbook people, who is spreading into other things. That it's the jacket he wrote Sandman in is just keen. I guess I just think about wrapping myself up in a piece of dreaming.

So maybe I'm trying to buy a bit of magic to comfort myself with.

Since Starling and I are in it together, we're likely to split time on the jacket, and we worked that out today, as a possibility. I keep joking that we'll have to call the jacket Persephone, and it seems that the Bay Area has fallen out as Hades. I'll likely keep it through to November, and hand it over during Orycon. She'll get to wear it when the weather is cool enough for it, there, and I won't be trying to brave the freezing temps that happen here in only a leather jacket. And I'll get it late the next spring and have it during convention season. Should work out.

I actually got a bunch of work done, along with a slather of journal entries. Something broke somewhere, and I'm writing like crazy and it actually feels really good. I'm going to have to see if this can be extended to dreams and stories and probably use the write-up of Carl's game as a fun exercise to see if this does go in that direction.

Yes, my day was this chopped up.

Lunch was good. I brought the cannelloni and ate. Simple and good and satisfying. It's *good* to plan.

I wandered into the break room and saw a copy of the Rocky Mountain News, and they had an article on a local pastry chef making really yummy desserts with the bumper crop of Colorado peachs. There was this gorgeous peach and almond tart recipe that I had to try. At the end of the day, when nearly everyone was gone, I took the article home.

On the way we stopped at the local produce stand and got peaches and two cobs of fresh, sweet corn. The white varieties had just come in and John was pleased with them. We then got almonds and butter and raspberry jam as well as two nice pork chops and some milk for work as the guy that usually supplies the stuff is out until the end of September because a friend of his is in the hospital. So I thought I'd do what I could, when I couldn't do anything about the other.

So we went home, had corn and chops and frozen veggies. I made the tart shell dough, which was just powdered sugar, flour, a ton of butter and an egg, before dinner and let it cool in the fridge through dinner. It was still soft when I got back to it, so I just pushed it into the pan, along the bottom and sides then refrigerated it again. Then I peeled and sliced five peaches. Next all the almonds got ground in the food processor until they were a fine powder, then mixed them with a deadly amount of butter, eggs and yolks, and sugar until it was all fluffy. The almond stuff went down in the now cold and solid tart shell, and all the peach slices went on top. The whole thing went into a 350 degree oven and soon the kitchen started smelling really, really good.

It was incredibly rich and really good in small pieces. The juicy peaches were a lovely contrast to the rest of the shell and filling. The shell turned out crisp and dense, and the almond filling was creamy. I should probably have ground the almonds just a bit more, as they were a little grainy, still, but other than that it tasted wonderful.

So I guess I'm mildly over the "rich foods make me queasy" portion of this pregnancy. Thank goodness. There is, however a 13x9 pan of this stuff, and I'll likely bring it to work tomorrow.

Heh, possibly into the oversharing department, my bladder has gotten some weight off it or something, and I'm not peeing every two hours anymore. It's amazing how nice that is, though.

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