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August 21, 2000
two years ago
three years ago

Writing and a Fish Check

I finally got past something that has scared me for a while. Getting reviewed. I hate it. It's the one thing that made me convinced that I'd never be a professional writer, as I get butterflies every time I think about someone reviewing and/or revising my work. The hard part is that I know that I often need it, especially for tightening up passages or getting rid of really convoluted sentences, or having really sticky points pointed out to me. I'd finished the message thing yesterday and I'd gotten enough courage up to hand it to John and we untangled a sentence yesterday; but to actually hand it over to Geoff, who in my mildly twisted brain is a Professional and therefore scarier in this capacity, took a lot for me to do.

Not really because of anything Geoff is, entirely because of my own past and my own fears. So I did. He said, pretty quickly, that he liked it. He pointed out one awkwardness that I thought really needed to be fixed, and then he turned this light on in my head when he said that he really liked it but it wasn't anything he'd ever write. It was pretty revolutionary. I hadn't ever really had that distinction made clear to me, and it makes just so much sense. It's why I'd had problems with so many other critiques, before, especially those that said, "But I'd do it like this and so." When it was fairly clear to me that I wouldn't have and didn't really like it, I'd agonize over who was 'right' or 'wrong', when it really was a clear and cleancut as Geoff's statement.

People often hand me really keen ideas for a story or for something to write, and I really like the idea, in that I think it's a great idea. But when I go to write it I find that I can't, and I know that it's not because it's a bad idea. I just never made the link to the possibility that it just was that it was something I wouldn't write. So many years filling in portions of writing on alt.cyberpunk.chatsubo to get other people involved the way they wanted to be involved meant that I wrote a lot of stuff that wasn't really me, but was necessary to get things to flow. Odd what happens when one actually gets self-respect.

Harder, in some ways.

Spent a lot of the day finalizing the wedding stuff, as well as working on the various pictures and things that I had to get done for my design documentation. Also had a fish check in the morning. Donate the usual fluids, have the nice doctor ask if we had any questions, and then she got out the little ultrasound machine and we got to hear the wowwow-wowwow sounds of the little baby heart. It flipped away in the midst of the listening, and she had to hunt for it again. Active fish.

Lunch was fun with John. We went to KT's BBQ and it was pretty empty, so had plenty of time to just sit and eat. I had the BBQ pork sandwich and I slathered the sandwich with my coleslaw. Crunchy and tangy, yum.

Afternoon was more work related. Stuff to look into for tomorrow's meeting and various things that I just hadn't gotten around to. A bit of time with Geoff. Genevieve's Nutshell is completely empty without Genevieve in it. Sometimes I think she's the only thing that holds all that together.

Tired by the time we got to dinner as we'd had to get up early enough to make John's 8 o' clock meeting. So John made taco salad, and I couldn't eat it all, so Fezzik got some really tasty stuff on his food. Fezzik ate it all voraciously, pills and all. The aspirin really seems to be doing the trick, and he's less unstable on his back legs than he was last week. That's a very good sign.

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