< June 11, 1998 >


A small breather in the march today. Mostly as the builds are being put together, and there's nothing in the critical path that's mine for the next couple builds. So I can take a little time to breath and think again. It's nice.

Good thing, too. Had physical therapy at 2:30 and Rick put me through the wringer. I was sweating so hard by the middle of it he tossed me a towel eventhough I thought my t-shirt would be enough. He was right, too. The two hour workouts are really nice. I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't just get into a gym and start doing lots of little workout and then blow energy and time on two big ones a week, just because it feels so good.

Don't get me wrong. Doing it hurts. <grin> But it's just tiredness and just pain. And it really feels good to do things that I didn't think I could do, again. Rick's done a fairly remarkable job of getting me to do what I didn't think I could do. Things like the walking miracle from the first. This time it was doing fast, hard side steps with most of Rick's body weight as resistance. I really hadn't thought I could do it, eventhough we'd done the front and backwards ones pretty thoroughly, it's just that I'd been avoiding sideways movement for months, literally. So it'd been quite a while since I'd even had such motions in my mental list of possibilities. And then to just *do* it. It was so cool.

We took plenty of time between repetitions, this time, on the harness stuff, so that I didn't fall over. That was good. I felt the head rush once, on one of the sideways sets, so we stopped for a while and just waited it through. Then went on after it went away and it worked out really well. Thing is that by doing that, I *felt* the workout at the gut and bone level again. I think that there's a point in all workouts where you can tell that you've pushed yourself past a particular breakage point where the body says, "okay, we've just gotten serious here, so let's dig deep for the resources to meet this problem."

All my soccer games just whizzed by that point, and I always could feel it afterwards, but never figured out the point during a game when I got there. So I just assumed that all workouts got you there, but I'm finding that my at-home rides just aren't cutting it. Which likely means that I'm going to have to push them significantly. Or get a real bike and start doing real rides.

The linebacker squats are getting down to a point where they hurt in the quads, which is the good hurt of muscles burning. I also found out that I could flex my leg to nearly 145 degrees with stretches. After a start of just 100 degrees, it's a significant and measurable improvement. Just ten weeks.

By the end of the workout, I was soaked in sweat, and I got a time to cool down while they iced my knee. Then, for the first time, I showered there, thoroughly and then went back to work at about 4:30 p.m..

After work, we stopped by a good-bye party at Redhook Brewery for one of our technical support folks that was going to a pre-sales support job. He wanted to become a Field Applications Engineer, someday, instead of just tech support, so that was a step in that direction. A step we didn't have in our little company, so he was going back to Data I/O to do it. Ah well.

John and I had dinner at the brewery as he had a 7 p.m. meeting elsewhere, I had a reading by Nicola Giffith to get to, at Barnes and Nobel in Bellevue. Seems that the big B&N were going to use the attendance at that particular reading to determine just how aggressively they were going to market The Blue Place. Which seems completely illogical to me, as in they have her doing several readings in the area, why not use all of them as a marker for how well it might do rather than just the one? But reality being what it is... the electronic call went out.

So the store had about 15 chairs setup, and about forty people showed up, so they had to scramble for more seats and a speaker and microphone and all kinds of things. A good section of Vanguard and the Clarion folks were there, as well as WebGirls and a few hapless folks that had wandered in during the reading.

I got there early, and went back to the music store for a bit to find a few CD's I'd noted in my wallet. I found a few things, and got complimented on my taste in music by various clerks before getting them bought, eventhough I'd never heard *either* album before. That was interesting. They were recommending all kinds of things if I liked the stuff I got, and I'd never even heard the things I got, so I had no clue. But I noted things down as they recommended 'em, and said if I liked what I got, I'd get more. But it was interesting to be so noted for my musical tastes when they weren't really even mine, yet...

As I wandered back towards the reading, I saw Jon Singer's head just over the bookshelves (being tall is useful) and so I followed that to the reading. That was easy! And fun, as I got to sit next to him and giggle about tea and about his porcelain teapot which got to shoot boiling water out when it boiled on the stove. It was very good to sit with him while she read and hear his comments and stuff.

The reading sold me on the book and on Nicola's writing. It's sensual and detailed, lovely and intricate, and the character something out of one of Carl Rigney's game NPC's.

So I bought several of them and got the sales rep's eyes to light up and I got a Thank You as well as a compliment about my name. That was interesting. Gradually, so gradually, it's coming to my attention that I know enough writers now to start thinking of them as people instead of... I dunno... gods? Folks to worship? Something like that. So, it was fun to just be around and talk for a while.

It seems a secret that Singer's known for a long time.

Afterwards wandered off to get John from his meeting and then go home and get tempted by several books, but then went to bed and had lots of fun wrassling with John and giggling with him and the talking and talking and giggling some more. Life is good when shared.

It's always fun to go over my own musings with John, just to get sanity checks and interesting bounces.

It's odd. Contact with fandom always makes me feel a bit like an Outsider. Oddly, a sensation that's a lot like when I go to church, of all things. I don't really belong, I always feel. It's not them, it's not what they do or what they say or what they invite. I'm just always an outsider to most groups and people that feel like they belong as a group together. It's likely one of the reasons I feel so completely at odds with the WebGrrlz or WebGirls or whatever. They claim to be geeks, and have formed their own clan and here I am, after two decades of being a geek girl to a degree most folks don't even know possible, and I'm not one of them.

I probably never will, either.

Mostly because the membership isn't dependent on exactly what anyone in that group has done, but on just how much they want to belong. You have to join, and I'm with old Groucho, any club that'll have me is likely one that I wouldn't want to belong to, anyway. So I nearly never *join* things. I just am one or not and people can take or leave me as they please. Note the nearly never. For some reason, various things that John has joined with all his heart have been groups that I interact with a lot, but still am not sure that I've really 'joined' eventhough the membership rolls might have me down as a member for a decade or so.

In a lot of ways, this journaling thing fits me perfectly. I don't really have to join anything, or go to meetings or groups or get togethers if I don't want to, there's plenty for people to take or leave as they like, and they don't have to read anything I write anymore than I have to read anything of theirs if I don't want to. It was so odd to be called a journaler by Singer, when I don't really think of myself as part of that group, per se. It's just something I do, and the only requirement by most of the journal things is that I do and keep doing. Which is just fine by me.

Eh. That's likely the introvert talking again. Ah well.

Amusingly enough the only group that I really do feel like I belong to is The Horde and that was mostly, I think, because they invited me in as myself, and partially it was because I kinda was a de facto member when they started up the name, as so many of them were my friends already. Pretty much all my feelings on relationship, though, are with one-on-one types of things, other than the Horde. Which either says something about them or about me, or something.

Or maybe it's just that introverts find much more to value in one-on-one relationships than in group things.

© 1998 by Liralen Li.

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