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January 20, 2003
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Green with Envy

I had a really bad, emotional day today. For no good reason and all the bad ones. There was an all-day meeting, today, with a consultant that I envied terribly. Mostly because it was obvious that she was pursuing her lifework and that it was something she'd focused on and was the best of her field in many ways. She was sharp, she was good, and most of the rest of the group approached her as if she were from On High.

It rankled.

Ah well. Envy, jealousy, whatever. I was grumpy. Grumpy enough that I took advantage of Jet and took the excuse to get home, and then just stay away from the rest of the meeting as I wasn't being a help. Better to not participate than to poison anything, and it was better. They got a lot of good data and advise from it all, and it's a good step for us to be taking, but it sure did rankle on a personal level for me. Whee.

I know that I made my choices for all the right reasons. I thought about it today, and I wouldn't undo any of them to be in the position she's in. I love my family, my life, and actually enjoy my job immensely as it's presently playing out. I like it. And really looking at it, I don't envy her the pressure, the constant contact with people, the drumming up of business, and the constant sell, sell, sell that she has to go through.

It didn't hurt that I had a great afternoon with Jet, just playing with him and doing stuff with him and we had fun eating together over the counter. He'd had his lunch, and then I'd steamed myself some tamales, and he came over and stole a tamale and a half from me. He ate like gangbusters, and then we played by wrestling, drawing, and we even went for a walk outside on a sunny, blustery day. He discovered all kinds of cool stuff. We oo'ed at trucks, bent to see rocks, and had a great time playing with a gully by climbing up it, and then running down one side of it. Jet's balance is getting to be really good. I think that going up and down the stairs of the slide at the Longmont Rec. Center really helps him work that out.

In the evening, after a quick dinner with John, I made bagels. Jet co-opted one of the balls and 'made' his own bagel blob on the cookie sheet. I remade it after he was asleep. I'm sure that one day I'll have to just leave it to be gooey in the center after baking..

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