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June 23, 2001
a year ago
two years ago
three years ago

New Toys and Realizations

9:59 pm: A strange day. Jet was pretty good last night, getting up, for the first time just at 2:20. He then got up at 4 and 5, but at 4 he went right back to sleep and at 5 he drank 4 ounces of formula and then went right back to sleep. Given that his humidifier had been turned off sometime during the night, that was likely because he was thirsty. In either case, he was up three times, but none of the times were all that bad. There was the added bonus that Jet didn't really wake up until 7:30, and I heard him sneeze twice before he started making his querying sounds of 'I'm awake now, is someone up?'

For all that, John slept in until 9:30. It turned out that he hasn't been able to go to sleep very well last night, and with the sleep he'd been missing form the night before, it served to keep him asleep well into the morning. I did make French toast from the last of the Texas toast and also simmered blueberries in maple syrup to make a blueberry syrup that went really well with the French toast. That was a very nice breakfast.

We then headed out to what the newspaper said was the site of a farmer's market, but when we got there, there wasn't anyone there. Which was really sad. We then stopped by Biggs and wandered about shopping for things for the party we're throwing for Debbie and her work friends at our house. There were plenty of frozen things to buy that would stick around very well and wouldn't have a problem waiting until Thursday.

We didn't get much of anything for ourselves because we're much better off clearing the fridge out before we leave on our trip. By the time we headed out to the car the weather was already pretty hot, and by mid-afternoon, it was 100 degrees according to our outdoor thermometer. Ouch.

We did have lunch at home. John baked some frozen pizzas while Jet ate off me. I also found a single package of White Castle cheeseburgers in the freezer as I was putting all the party stuff away. It is pretty old, so I ate that as it wasn't getting any better. Lots of frozen fast food, but it was quick and easy and the pizzas actually were pretty good. A nice mixed bag of foods to a pizza.

After lunch I went up to work for an hour before feeding Jet again and as I got ready, John told me he was going to nap. He really looked beat, so I asked him how long he was going to nap and he sounded mildly desperate when he said, "Uhm... for as long as it takes to feed him?" Which kind of made me mad, for all the wrong reasons, including the fact that for the entire hour I'd been working Jet had been fussing the whole time even though John was taking care of him. Jet may well have just been having a hard time, but it was wearing on my nerves.

So I told John to sleep a while, and if he was going to sleep two hours he might as well sleep two and a half as I'd have to feed Jet again. John said he didn't think he could sleep that long and I just shook my head. He said he'd get up at 4. So Jet and I entertained ourselves, and I tried to get Jet to take a nap, but failed pretty miserably. So we played instead.

Joan came over in the afternoon to give us Haley's saucer and a wooden slide and a play table for when Jet starts to pull himself up to stand against something and play. Jet loves the saucer and I found out why he'd been trying to do a face plant when playing with toys in front of him. With the saucer, he can lean forward and the well will support him at the chest. So he leans all his weight against it and reaches for the toys.

All day, Jet's been eating at an hour between ending and beginning a feeding, so at 4, instead of 4:30, he started fussing at me, so when John's alarm went off at 4, I went in and told him he should sleep at least another half hour if not forty minutes. I gave Jet his massage and then fed him. John didn't get up and out until nearly five. Two and a half hours.

I went up to work after that, and got another hour in and heard Jet playing happily for a while and then screaming his head off, then playing for a while and then screaming again. Poor kid. John finally got him totally happy again, and it was nearly dinner time when Jet got pretty fussy at 5:30. So I went down to feed him while John made dinner.

I proceeded to bite John's head off for two different things and realized that I really resented the fact that John got to sleep four and a half hours more than I did. That after all the time I'd taken Jet while he worked, and all the time I'd spent at nights, and all the effort I'd made to make it possible for him to deal with his work problems he wasn't doing shit to help me with mine. And on top of all that he wasn't doing shit to make it possible for me to sleep some as well and I had been up at least as long as he'd been the last few nights.

John takes care of himself first, and it pissed me off that he didn't make the effort to take care of me the way I make sure he gets as much sleep as possible. Of course I'd fucked myself by telling him to take care of himself first, too. He has done stuff for me in the past, but it's just been the whole sequence of the last week that's just sucked for me and everything I've tried to do. The only time I've gotten was time that I made through my efforts and I am so tired of being the only one looking out for me..

I finally realized that after figuring out that I was biting his head off for no good reason because I so resented the rest. So I told him about what it was that I resented so much. So he absorbed that and made for a plan so that I got to ride the exercise bike and shower tonight. He fed Jet carrots and a bit of yogurt. Tomorrow I'll get more sleep in the morning. He'll take Jet for an errand out in the morning. Both of those things are good things for me to get some balance back for all that's gone on this last week and this coming week is going to be a real bear.

That works. Something that can be done to alleviate the difference and the conflict.

I'd so wanted to make ginger beer today. I managed to wash all the bottles for the brew before it was time to give Jet a bath, but that was it. I'll make the time tomorrow because I did get the two hours in today so I'm caught up given that extra time from Tuesday.

The bath went really well. Jet splashed about happily and got good and clean. He was in a really wiggly mood after the bath while eating, and it took a bit of time and patience with him before he finally settled down to eat solidly. John got a call from his brother David in the midst of the feeding, and I went and got the bottle for Jet and fed it to him. He drank it all and was really sleepy.

John burped him and had to change him last thing, so Jet woke up yelling. But John was able to just take him upstairs and put him down and he went to sleep. Jet's doing that better and better every night, and it's a very good habit for him to have.

I worked on the packing list for Seattle, wrote this and finally made for bed and sleep.

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