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March 8, 2001
a year ago
two years ago
three years ago

Different Work

Today was another good day. I think that if I think that Jet's job is to scream and make poopy and wet diapers, then he does well at it. I managed to juggle things well enough to even get some mail read this morning, nearly two weeks of it. I also managed to read The Iron Ring a Lloyd Alexander book I had never read before.

It was a quiet day. I was very happy with today, after so many days of feeling inadequate or overwhelmed. Just in time for John's parents to get here. Which should be a good thing, all in all. Jet may well be doing better, too. He's certainly bigger. I could see that by comparing him now with the pictures of him as a newborn. I'm very glad of that, otherwise I'd still be feeling like I was getting no where with all of this.

Best may be the simple possibility that I've gotten a handle on the depression. I may well be getting over the hump of feeling like I can't keep up with him, that it's impossible. Even diaper changing has improved dramatically. John introduced the possibility of a new folding style that worked really well with a huge puddle of poop today. The edges worked really well at keeping things in and no blow out this time. That was surprisingly good.

Reading while feeding Jet has also helped things along with pumping in the bedroom and being able to watch the mountains instead of the TV and the rest of the livingroom. Even spending time upstairs in the office was a novelty of sorts. It's kind of funny to realize that I have cabin fever for just one room in my house and even going to a different room helps me feel etter. Funny and sad, a little.

It's also amusing how content I am, presently. I really like not working. I like not straining and not being stressed all to hell. I really like having challenges that I can handle, on the most part, and even if everything I do has to be done again, the progress that Jet makes really can be measured. I get feedback, even if it's not directly from him, it is from John and from the visits to the doctor. That is very nice.

I tried calling Bill, but he wasn't there. John says that he might have not been there all day. I want to do a few things, but not sign up for anything specific. It would be good to have something to aim to do. Still, some part of me wanted to really take the three months off and to write a little while I was off. Maybe I should just do what I want instead of what I think I should do, i.e. work. I think that he'll be open to it, but I'm still a little scared of ending this time away

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