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March 16, 2001
two years ago
three years ago

Special Dinner and Trades

Busy day that I had to pump a lot to get ready for and do. The doctor's appointment was a full physical that showed that I had a clean bill of health. We even got a picture with her and Jet and I. I don't have to see her again until next year. That was something worth celebrating. In an odd way, I felt a bit more pressured than celebratory. Maybe that had to do with the fact that I had to set up 3 ounces for dinner. The cool thing was that John and I dressed up for the dinner.

John was in his Zoot suit and it was well worth it to see the look of surprise on everyone's face. Walt came for just a bit of the evening and he and John's parents were all surprised by John wearing it. They all really liked it on him, and George even thought about renting such a suit for the formal ski party that Paul usually has in the spring. I wore the green dress again, and found that the bust of the dress was, amusingly, too small by a bit more than at the party. I guess all the extra breastfeeding of the last week or two made things grow a bit.

Dinner conversation was really funny. John and I have a whole new set of things to talk and laugh about. I would never have thought, even a few months ago, that John and I would derive so much entertainment from dirty diapers. I think that some of it is because it's very clear, now that he's running through them at a phenominal rate.

Jet is growing.

Jet very definitely has a personality and he does things rather differently than I expected some things. Most breastfeeding movies show a baby getting tickled on the lip with a nipple and they reflexively yawn and the mom has to pull them hard onto the nipple. Jet has nearly never done that. From his first binky days, instead of passively yawning, he's opened his mouth and done a very proactive search by moving his head back and forth and back and forth until he feels the nipple in his mouth and then he sucks it in himself and then clamps on to suckle.

He is utterly intent when he eats, too, letting his entire body fall lax when he concentrates with everything he has on the single act he wants most to do. He does the same thing with a bottle, as well. Arms falling to his sides, legs utterly still, eyes closed and all his concentration and being is in sucking the milk down. It's interesting to see.

As when we first met him when he was born, he is very assertive about when he's uncomfortable. His lungs are getting bigger and stronger and so his cries are getting much louder. He is also perfectly happy to show when he's perfectly content, too. Wide-eyed and interested in everything and willing to play and gurgle happily when someone is playing with him, too. He's almost as intent in his play as he is when he's eating, all his focus and concentration on the person he's with.

It's been astonishing watching him bootstrap himself up into more functionality. Watching him learn how to look in the direction of a sound, seeing him as he experiments in the ways he needs to in order to figure out where his hands are, and seeing him learn day by day, week by week, more and more about his body and how it works as well as how the world works. It's interesting to see him gradually figure out that he can get some things to change by crying, but he's very happy to be content when there is nothing wrong.

For all that John and I happily make jokes about being Jet-lagged from lack of sleep, Jet's been really good at night, on the most part. He sleeps as long as he can with a wet, sometimes soaking diaper and only wakes when he's hungry. When he gets 3 or 4 oz bottles of my expressed milk at night, he goes four hours at a stretch. So if we work it right and time it right, if we go to bed at 10, we're only up at 2 and then again at 6. Sometimes he'll even sleep for five hours, and we get a bonus. What's best is that, on the most part, when we put him down to sleep, he just drops off.

So it definitely isn't as sleep-deprived as everyone has told us it would be. Especially compared to my ninth month or even when Fezzik needed help up and down the stairs. I even get naps in the afternoon, sometimes with Jet cuddled up in my arms. He's happier in the evening when he's had a nap during the late morning or early afternoon; and if we keep him up for a few hours in the evening, he does just fine with sleeping for the night. Admittedly, the sleep is because Jet is very keen, not really because of us, though we do take advantage of what he offers by planning our timing pretty carefully when we can.

It's fun watching him wake up. He stretches like a cat, long, luxurient stretches with both arms, his long, slender legs, and whole body arched as well. He makes cat sounds, too, chirps and almost purrs when he's content, and his crying sounds more like an angry cat yowling when he's starting to get wound up enough to really scream. When he's very content, in someone's arms, he'll snuggle in happily, legs tucked up and hands against his cheeks, curling close to the warmth of whomever is holding him.

He really likes being comfortable and will drowse happily, nearly anywhere, in someones arms. So far he hasn't had any aversion to anyone that's wanted to hold him. Some folks he'll protest just a bit at first, if they're holding him in a way he's not familiar with, but he'll soon settle in and snuggle in happily if they just hold him a bit longer.

Life is really different, just as everyone said; but it's good different. There are so many things about my old life that I just don't miss.

I don't really miss eating out too much, as there aren't all that many good restaurants around here. I don't miss playing video games for hours to distract myself. I really don't miss work. I don't miss parties or great crowds of people. I don't miss randomly going out to a restaurant because I'm feeling down and need something to make me feel better. I don't miss shopping, going out a lot, or the 'freedom' of not being responsible for this tiny bit of life. When I do get time away from him, I'm always glad to be getting back to him when I return home. Sometimes it's nice to have short breaks, but I don't seem to have any of the 'I want to abandon them forever' kinds of feelings I thought I might have.

I do miss being able to concentrate, on cooking, on my writing, and on a few other things. I miss having hours at a time to think something through without interruption. It does mean, however, that when I actually do get some time to myself, I am very, very efficient with it and I've likely been thinking through many of the details before I ever got to do something about it. I was able to whip up a batch of mix brownies in something like five minutes. I can cook some really nice dinners in fifteen, things like salmon in cream sauce on pasta with salad, vegetables and bread; steaks and roasted potatoes with veggies and salad; and roasted chicken with mashed, gravy, and veggies. Okay, the roasted chicken took fifteen minutes to prepare and serve, but did take about an hour and a half of cooking time. That, however, is what was important, how much uninterrupted time I need.

I do face the fact that my old life is dead and gone; but I'm not sure I'm all that sad. This new adventure is pretty cool in its own ways and with John's and my creativity we're figuring out what we can do to do the things that were important to us. We just do them in different ways, now.

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