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September 29, 1999
a year ago
two years ago


The day dawned crystal cold.

The mountains were as white and pale as ice, the air steamed with every breath, and the wood of the back patio crackled when I stepped on it. Cold, cold, cold. The world was cold. The mountain snow from the day before had stuck, it seemed, to the hillsides.

The house was warm. The bed was warm. It took quite an effort of will to get up out of that warm bed and I only managed it when John said that he'd already turned on the area heater in the bathroom. I bundled up and trundled out and was shivering by the time I got back into the car after opening the gate. We got to work.

Work was again nerve flattening. Way too much to do, too little time to do it in and vacation looooooming like Heaven and Hell mixed. I will forget about work while I'm gone. I will have to deal with it all again when I get back. So it is.

Lunch was a welcome break.

Ray and Joan and John and I went to Chili's and we all had hamburgers and we all shared stories about how we were dealing with working at Xilinx. Good stories, good progress, and we're all making something of a difference. More urgency, more capability, more connection, direct, with customers. We're needed and we're being balanced to do better within the organization as well and not burn out quite as quickly, in many way. Most of the forces at work include working reasonable hours, doing the reasonable thing instead of the push-til-you-drop thing. This is good.

It was obstensibly my birthday lunch, but it was more the excuse for the gathering than anything.

Afternoon was just stretching me all the thinner, but I managed okay. I also wrote Raven again, and it was fun to just talk with him.


Hm. Oddly enough, on the way home from work, John reminded me that the reason I was probably exhausted was because I'd been up writing until midnight. I think I figured something out. That where my writing used to flow from was from a grasp and love of my life. A love and desire so deep that I could reach out and pull myth from my everyday. I am doing that again, it seems. Myth from feelings, from emotions, from how I think things should work, do work at the below-the-skin level, beyond the senses yet rooted in them. For without the everyday there would be no magic, without the mundane there would be no border.

Magic all alone is pretty boring, sterile stuff; and even the stories tell of how when it is cut off from the dirty, borish, crusty, crass, and dross of living and everyday it wisps away to nothing. Drying out and dying.

Perhaps an analogy to a mind so lost in its imaginings, it's self-centered existence, that all outside it is unanchored, and the soul is lost in its own cage of its own makings. The border is the exciting place, the place where the twain must meet. Me and you. While I tread the self-centered, self-existent ruts of depressions I am out of touch, out of anyone else's mind, out of the world and lost. When I reach out and *touch* I find myself again.

And this finding is worth the rest.

It's nearly like feeling that I can just look at an aspect of life and living and just pull Story from it.

This is going to be interesting to see how long this lasts and if I actually can, this time, produce something from it.

The ride home was good, and the world here is changing so quickly. All the snow was gone from the crystal clear mountains. John's parents were home, so we got them and joined Ray and Joan and Joan's parents and their kids at the Taco Mine. The dozen or so of us filled the place up completely and had a good, rowdy family dinner right in the midst of the restaurant's only dining room. It was wonderful fun, and the food was filling and solid and good. It was great to see the two families together and sharing all the experiences of having the kids moving to Colorado so the parents had something to share on as well.

That was very yummy and fun.

We then trundled home, very full, and I made some hibiscus tea to sip and let things settle. I also got to watch Good Eats' take on chocolate. The tour of Scharffen Berger's chocolate making area was, alone, worth the time taken to tape and see this, and the recipes! I don't know if I'll make the chocolate mousse that often, I think I'm too much in love with my mini-chocolate souffles to go for all that cream. But the chocolate volcano muffins!! Go to and go to their recipes, look up the Good Eats area and look at those things... they're just astonishing to see. I now really wonder how they taste.

Sleep was quick and total.

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