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May 2, 2003
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Taking Care of Myself

10:16 am: I'm getting dilated, so I should do this before I can't see near at all. It's kind of hard when the only real sight I have is near, and they take it away with the drops. I can manage, though, and my sunglasses are just barely strong enough to make thins bearable when I go out into the Colorado sunshine.

So I'm changing writing formats, again. I've been doing the account of every day after it happens for a while, and I'm tired of it, and I'm not keeping my journal up as much as I really want to. Better, now to just write about what's on my brain, when I get the chance and cover whatever didn't get covered before on the day that I can write. Some things, like the trip back West, will be done day by day. There will be enough details that I don't want to forget that it's worth doing it. For everyday stuff, it's easier to just write about what I'm thinking about at the moment I think about it.

So the appointment this morning was due to a bunch of back pressure building up for the last couple of months. Yesterday I finally called the dentist, the eye doctor, and CeLena and got appointments for everything. I'm on my last box of contact lenses and it's better to just not pressure myself. I found a nice slot this morning and John's used to me not being around on Fridays. So it made it easy.

I've not been to CeLena's since the last of last year. I felt like I was becoming too dependent on the massage, and that there were better and less expensive ways to take care of tension. On the most part it's worked. One bad thing has been as a result of using the track ball too much and my right arm has been trashed between that, knitting a couple of pretty heavy duty things, and writing more with fountain pens in books. Writing that much, yes. So I needed to get together with her in order to get some of the worst of that worked out.

I also want to make an appointment with a local family doctor. I want to see if I can get a prescription or recommendation for massage therapy so that I can pay for it out of the medical account. I also called the dentist in order to get a new splint made because my jaw has still been aching and there's a crack in the splint that I have that runs the length of it. It's about time to get that taken care of.

I do note that all of those things are things for taking care of myself and that I haven't really been doing much more than the twice weekly trip to the rec. center. The exercise has actually been quite good, as I've been sleeping better and feeling better for doing it for quite a while. I'm now up to a 200+ kcal workout each time, when I started with just a 100 kcal workout. So it's a nice advance.

I do hurt, though. I haven't been admitting that lately. My whole right arm hurts like heck. My back, legs, neck, and shoulders have actually been better. My legs ache but it's just workout ache, not tension or holding in one position too long ache. I've been stretching more, moving things more and generally taking the time to take breaks. That's been good. It really is making me a better mom, I think, too, as it's been making me more mellow and better able to keep up with Jet.

Jet's getting over his cold. He's sleeping a little better at night. He also had a blast at the pool, yesterday. He was great about being in child care. In the middle of the hour, though, while I was still on the elliptical, I heard the announcement system say, "John Rostykus to the Childcare center, John Rostykus..." I got off, cleaned off the machine, and went down with visions of a blood covered Jet needing his first stitches in my head. but it turned out that all he needed was a change. *giggles* That was quite the relief. I helped John out and then we went back and did weights until the time was up.

Jet then trotted the whole way to the locker rooms. He wiggled into his swimsuit and carefully carried his float. he had a great time just jumping up and down. Then he started just diving into the water. He'd be on the step in the 'deep end', and suddenly jump for the deep water, even with our backs turned. And he'd thrash around until we lifted him up a little. He seemed to believe that the thrashing around was enough to get him back up or something. but he went at it with great gusto and no fear. That was kind of cool. He had no fear of getting underwater, and just would come up kicking hard. He loved it.

He ran around, had some time in the lazy river area, in his float, and he had a great time just wandering about. He did a lot more sliding down the slide feet first than usual, and experimented for a while with attempting to come down head first. he got stymied every time by us, but when the lifeguard stopped him he didn't do it again.

Smart boy.

He walked up the stairs to the tops of the BIG slides twice. Even after seeing John go down it, he didn't want to go himself, but he was fascinated. He really fought hard when I picked him up, as he thought I was going to take him down the slide. But when I started going back down the stairs, he stopped fighting and started nodding. He was much happier when he figured out that he was being listened to.

I was glad of that.

Afterwards, we went to the Souper! Salad! and had a great dinner. Jet was kind of punch drunk by that time, happy and smiling and obviously so tired he could barely sit up. John took him home when they'd finished eating, leaving me to my dessert. My after dinner treat included a quick trip to Wal-Mart, where I bought another pair of ten dollar jeans, a belt that actually fits me, a pair of leggings that were just too nice to pass up, and two bags of socks. One bag was for me, as I am wearing socks, regularly, to the gym, and needed something that wasn't going all to holes or were dark dress socks. One bag was for Jet and the look utterly too large for him, thought the smaller socks are obviously too small for him. They keep riding up his foot, so that the heel is halfway between his heel and toes. One good washing and these should be his size.

I was very, very surprised to find Jet and John still awake when I got home. Jet was perfectly happy, and so tired, he wove when he walked, but he wouldn't go to sleep. John was pretty tired, so when Jet asked to nurse I said, "Sure!" and let John get some sleep.

Jet did pretty well, last night. John, however, was up at 4 and stayed up or at least out of the room. I had trouble getting to sleep until I took two Motrin. Things just ached too much from the complete workout.

10:36 pm: The rest of the exam went well at the eye doctor's. I then ran over to the Belgium chocolate place in Boulder. I had a heck of a time finding it with my eyes half squinted shut, even with the sunglasses on. It was funny finding that I was perfectly comfortable having my sunglasses on in the parking garage, which is underground.

Anyway. I got some chocolate for Mei and Erik, and then got a bar for myself as well. Then went to the Asian market for some frozen ramen. It's way more expensive than the dried kind, but I love the texture so much more that it's well worth it to pay five whole dollars for three servings.

Then home. To find Jet still up. So I took Jet outside and we played outside for a while as John worked. Finally, Jet agreed to go inside and nurse, and we did so and Jet napped for a good hour and a half. John had a meeting that he finished, and another. When Jet woke up, John took care of him, and they went out to do some errands.

I went to my massage at CeLena's. It was very good. We found out that what I'm doing is working well for relieving tension pretty much everywhere, other than my shoulders and arm. I've coped well. She didn't seem to mind that I hadn't come for so long, and I felt really good afterwards. It was good to do it even on the occasional basis. I was glad I did it.

Home again, home again, and John took care of a good, quick dinner of grilled sausages with pesto, whole wheat spaghetti. Jet wouldn't eat a thing. Ah well. He had a whole corn dog for lunch. We made him pizza for dinner, but he wouldn't touch it. I was kind of sad about that. Then he had another big poopy, and then he ate for John. So that was good.

I worked some more. I needed the time. John took care of getting Jet into his sleeper and everything, and Jet fell asleep on John. I took him up to bed while John went to sleep, and now I get to write.

I'm kind of stymied by the cruise so far as the journal goes. I'm probably going to have to set aside time and get through that block of entries before I'll post all of March. I need to do that.

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