Liralen's Adventure Through Life
December 2000
  1: Homework, Dumplings and Scare
  2: Watching Fezzik and Making Dinner
  3: Spending Time with Fezzik
  4: Letting Go
  5: Absent Centers
  6: Another Step, Another Breath
  7: Lonely But Not Alone
  8: BBQ Lunch
  9: First Baby Class
10: Quiet Day At Home
11: Fish Check and Food
12: Santa's Elves and Pizza
13: Sorbet, Toys, and Going First
14: Swollen Hands
15: Quiet Work and Angel Myths
16: Choices
17: Christmas Exercises
18: Run Down
19: Busy Lunch
20: Handles and Stretch Marks
21: Newfs and Puckle Warts
22: Movie Madness
23: Baby Class and Crouching Tiger
24: With Others
25: Thoughtful Gifts
26: Running Around
29: Slow Days
30: Dessert Day
31: The Old Millennium Dies Quietly

Broke my heart, the beginning of this month did. Fezzik failed over the first weekend. Hard. No recovery, no possibilities, and we finally had to put him to sleep. Surprised the hell out of me that that quiet release would so shake me and make me figure out how hard he'd been trying and fighting to even draw a breath.

It was a mildly weird month, given that start. Especially since John and I were immediately swept into the busy whirlwind of dealing with all the things we'd put off for Fezzik. Christmas shopping, cards, holiday planning, all the baby birthing classes, and gradually trying to find our feet in this strange world without a member of our family. Especially since he'd been the center of our lives for the last couple of months.

I cried a lot, though I'd been crying all along. Also gradually discovered that life moves on. I'm coping. I don't know if I'm really dealing, yet, but I'm coping and each passing day makes it a bit easier.

It also helps having the Fish to distract us and dealing with the gradually greater physical challange of carrying the baby to term has started sucking my energy and time and creativity. Figuring out how to make my now starting to feel overextended body more comfortable with all the extra stress of the weight, the energy draining, and the lack of sleep has gradually become more the focus of my creativity.

The end of the month was mostly a little time off and some time to recharge. Much needed by both of us.

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